Surviving the Domestic Jungle

My oldest daughter is with her father this Thanksgiving and it makes me sad When I decided to divorce her father 5 years ago, I never considered the holidays. I mean, I knew that they would be shared but I could never have imagined the emotions that would accompany it. That’s the thing about divorce, while it sounds good because you are no longer wish to be with your spouse, the only ones that are truly affected are the children. Getting away from my ex was like breathing fresh air after being kept in a box with one air hole! For my daughter it was the break up of her family, holidays here and there, weekends on and off and missing one of us at any given point in time. Makes me feel so badly for her. I know she struggles and one day may ask me why I put her through all that. I am fully ready to explain it (In an age appropriate way) but I wouldn’t be surprised of one day she tells me she is angry with me. While I HATE my husband sometimes, I am definitely 10,000 times more dedicated to him and making it work because I know what it is like when it doesn’t. I was too young to be married (the first time) and I was too young to understand the consequences of divorce. I do not regret the divorce at all but I do regret my child being the one paying for my mistakes for the rest of her life. I think a lot of parents get so wrapped up in their own emotions that they think “oh the kids will be fine” but they never think about the rest of their lives. Weddings, graduations, the birth of their own children etc. Every single milestone in their life will be effected. On that depressing note…..

I am so excited for this Thanksgiving! Last year was such a transition period for my family that it was a little less enjoyable but this year, all is in place and flourishing! We have quite an interesting gathering of people for dinner at my moms house. My sister is bringing her boyfriend and his brother and his girlfriend. Her boyfriend is a nice guy but I have only met him a few times. I have never met his brother or his girlfriend. What makes this oh so entertaining for me is my sister is trying to impress the brother so she will be as fake as Velveeta cheese which of course will make this nothing but enjoyable for me. My sister is one of those people who eats too much, drinks too much and talks too much so seeing her being ‘normal’ should be a hoot. That’s one thing about the holidays that I actually enjoy: Family Drama. When families get together they revert back to their old roles. Siblings become kids again and no matter how old you are, having your mother around can make you feel stressed. I feel sorry for my husband sometimes because he isn’t used to a family like mine but I think he secretly enjoys it. There are big, LOUD personalities in my family and you either jump in or you get out of the way. I am the subdued one of the family and I am not that subdued. Thankfully, neither is my husband! Anyway, I am looking forward to today and will report on any interesting happenings later

So there has been a little feather ruffling over some onesies recently. Yes, some onesies. Apparently a children’s clothing store had onesies that said “Smart like Daddy” and “Pretty like Mommy”. I may be the minority on this but I do not see the big deal. I think it is way over-thinking something that will be pooped and thrown up on. I would put my son in the ‘smart like dad’ and I would put my daughter in the ‘pretty like mommy’ and I don’t think my son will grow up thinking he is unattractive or my daughter will grow up thinking she is stupid. We are becoming way way way to sensitive to every little thing. There is literally a ‘group’ for everything and the moment someone upsets anyone, it is national news. As a nation, we focus so much attention on things that do not matter or are very trivial while the important stuff is being swept under the rug. I personally view myself as being smart (not build a rocket ship smart, but I am smart in my own way) and I would much rather be thought of as pretty over smart. Perhaps that is shallow but I think most women would agree. I said MOST, not ALL! Men on the other hand, want to be thought of as attractive just as much as we do, they just don’t say it. Bottom line is, this is a lot of uproar for really not a big reason. I tell my daughters and my son they are pretty/handsome just as much as I say they are smart or funny or adorable. They get praised all day long and I dont think putting on a t-shirt that says they are anyone of those traits will cause psychological damage.

My cousin posted something on her Facebook page about being a child of the 80′s. Made me laugh so I searched for a “you might be from the 80′s if…..” I am personally a baby of the wonderful year 1981! Enjoy:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair"
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and
tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOA" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock".
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales".
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a
Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a pony tail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in
computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your
shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear.....
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and
all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore, fluorescent, if you will, clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before
his nose fell off...
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took Lunch Pales to school.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave
because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying
"I know what you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there
were in-line skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this list occasionally saying
"This wasn't from the 80's!"
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Dont worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights
with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
46. "Miss MARY MARY MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boom boxes vs cd players.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
50. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tales"
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories
on Saved By the Bell", the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THRU THE HEART.

So my husband cleaning out our storage/laundry room the other day inspired me to do some cleaning of my own. My kids have more clothes, shoes and toys than they will ever need and they never play with them. Rarely will they actually play with all of their toys. They mainly like barbies and stuffed animals soooooo with my oldest daughter being gone for the week at her dad’s house, I am going to tackle their room. She is way too sentimental for me to do while she is there. She sees no reason to get rid of anything ever because it holds some special meaning. I mean every little toy and sock she has ever had! She makes it incredibly difficult while my other daughter would happily help me pack up her whole room….as long as we sing the clean up song! She loves when I sing her a song from Barney or Yo Gabba Gabba or some show of equal annoyance. It goes, “Pick up your part of the world, Pick up your part of the world, Let’s make it beautiful boys and girls, Pick up your part of the world ” She will help with anything as long as I am singing that song. I hope to get rid of a bunch of stuff and donate it all! I highly recommend that if you have linens, toys or clothes that can be donated, this is the time of year. There are tons of children in need and always always always donate! In fact, you can pretty much donate anything you don’t use anymore and if you cant donate it, recycle it!

The first year of a babies life is pretty much the most adorable thing ever. The newborn phase is amazing as you wonder how all of that baby came out of where it came out of! When they start getting all chubby their cheeks are pretty much edible desserts. Ahh I love all of my babies cheeks and make sure to kiss them a lot. All of my babies have been breastfed and they have cheek muscles of steel because of it! They have to work for their meals! My absolute favorite things about my babies are their breath and their feet. I know that the breath thing may seem weird but if you have ever smelled a breastfed babies breath, you know what I am talking about. Their breath is warm and sweet and so much better than the breath of anyone else. Their feet are chubby and untouched by the dirt of the world. Their feet haven’t taken a step and are perfectly soft and again, edible. I love to kiss my babies feet and put them on my cheek. I just love how cuddly and sweet they can be. I love cuddling with them and probably hold them too much by comparison to other mothers. The way I see it, their feet will be dirty and stinky soon enough and there will come a day that smelling their breath will make me want to throw up! I also am aware that the days of cuddling them will also disappear. One day they will think I am a huge loser and a total embarrassment (teenage years!!)  and all I will have will be the memories of when they needed me every second of everyday, and there was no where they felt safer than in my arms. Geez, I may cry !!!!!

I took my oldest daughter for a much needed haircut today. She hasn’t had one in a very long time and as a result, she has very long hair. She has gorgeous loose waves with blond streaks (natural!!!) and I am beyond jealous. Actually, both of my girls have hair that I would love to have. My youngest daughter, Hailey, has this bouncy strawberry blond hair that is just adorable. Anyway, I am jealous because when I was a little girl, my mom cut mine and my sisters hair into bobs with bangs. Ugh the bobs with bangs!!! The problem is, I never had the patience to grow mine out and I have had short hair since I was very young. I have never had long hair which annoys me so much. I would love to just try it!! Just once!! Unfortunately, hair extension and patience are both out of my reach. Hence, I am forcing my daughters to both have long hair while they are young and then when they are teenagers, they can do whatever they want with their hair. I just wanted them to at least experience long hair unlike their deprived mother. In someways I feel like my childhood was filled with me being told what to do while I am allowing my kids to do what they want. I was FORCED into wearing corduroy while they will never know what that is! I was forced into so many fashion taboos and if my kids make fashion taboos, it is because they are expressing their individuality and not because I forced them!

Last night I was at the grocery store with my son and I noticed this married couple with their children. I am an avid people watcher and as I stood next to this family in line, I was in awe. Both husband and wife were muscular and very very fit. The wife was so overbearing and so controlling that by the time they had purchased their few items, I felt exhausted. I mean this woman was over the top scary. She was so intense but not in a bitchy way. I dont even know how to describe this woman. After I noticed the wife, I then noticed the husband. He was a very sad looking man with nothing to say. In fact, I believe if he spoke he would have had his head ripped off, sauteed and fed to the wolves. It reminded me of a story that one of my boyfriends dads from way back in the day told me. He said when he met his wife, he was riding around in his car, windows down. He loved his car and he loved the way the wind felt when he drove his car with the windows down. Then she would get in his car and complain that the wind was messing up her hair. He would roll the windows up whenever she would get in to appease her. Then he said the saddest thing I think I have ever heard any man say: ‘Then one day, I just left the windows up’. I almost cried when I heard that story. It just seemed so tragic……

Today my husband decided it would be a good idea to clean out our laundry/storage room and well, lets just say, his effort was nice (he has never ever ever organized anything since the day we met….however, he has no problem telling me to do it….) but is now a little annoying. My dining room is full of things I am supposed to deal with. I can not tell you how overjoyed I am at this new project…that is sarcasm. As a housewife, I feel like the house is mine and mine alone. I feel like it is my office, my domain. His work is out of the house and mine is in the house and I am the CEO of this company! Anyway, when my company gets reorganized, I tend to get my panties in a bunch. I don’t like it. I especially don’t like when I end up having a bunch of extra work to do because someone decided to help. The only person who is allowed to help my with my company is my mother because I was trained in her home and respect her quality of work. In fact, every time she comes over, I am reminded that I still have things to learn because, without fail, she will clean my microwave and tell me about how there is bacteria. Normally I double check that I have cleaned the microwave but this last time she was here I slipped up and she gave me the speech. It’s one of those things that I have come to expect and almost find comforting. Well, I suppose I will have a busy day of cleaning my dining room which is now filled with the items from our laundry/storage!

I went shopping with my kids last night because my oldest is growing faster than I can keep up with and all of her pants look like she is expecting a flood. The time had come to look for new pants which always turns into a three ring circus. She is a fashion lover and “Avery, we are going to get new pants” turns into “Mommy, I want one of EVERYTHING!”. She is my high maintenance child in that regard. She has picked her clothes out since she was a year and a half and her first word was ‘shoes’. Luckily we found some pants (and a shirt) and I actually had fun. I cant wait until my girls are older and we go shopping ‘together’ instead of me taking them shopping. They are such fun kids when I don’t let them stress me out. When I got to the baby section for my son, I always am shocked at the stuff people put little infants in. Fluffy, frilly over the top ensembles that absolutely no one would be comfortable in. I have said it before and I will say it again, some people treat their babies/children as if they are toys/dolls and I am not one of them. I choose clothing based on my child’s personality and I certainly let them pick what they want. I never really force them to wear things they don’t want to (occasionally I do but that is if they are wearing dresses and it is cold outside) and I try to let them have fun with fashion. All in all a successful trip except mommy didnt get anything which is always sad