Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I have mentioned on here before that my 2 year old, Hailey, has many problems with her bowels. She has had constipation issues since birth and I have looked into various things to try and help her. Potty training her is on hold as some days she tries and tries and nothing comes out and other days (after her fiber supplements) she will go 6 7 or even 8 times a day. There is no middle ground with her and it worries me. I have scheduled her for thermography which is something I never really knew about. Apparently it is mostly used for breast cancer screenings and is way more effective than mammograms. There is no radiation involved either which is much better for you. I don’t know much about the ins and outs of it, but it is Digital Infrared Thermal Imaging and basically I am taking Hailey to see if they see anything wrong internally. Blockages etc. It is super cheap (100 bucks) and we got a discount because Hailey is the youngest patient this particular technician will have ever practiced on. It is a learning experience for the technician as well as for me. She told me not to get my hopes up but that it would be interesting either way. I am taking my mom along with me so she can ask all the questions she wants about breast exams etc. I think this sounds fabulous and thank god for technology because while the systems we have in place are ok (mammograms) maybe there is a better way! Maybe there have been advances in technology that need to be explored and that’s exactly what I am doing!!!

The other day my oldest, Avery, asked me if Santa was really real. Crap! I had been dreading that question for years. I didn’t know what to say so I just said “Why?” I don’t even recall what she said….We obviously both got distracted. Anyway, I am glad she is questioning ridiculous notions but I’m surprised she questioned Santa before she questioned the Easter Bunny. A six foot Rabbit dressed in human clothes that breaks into your home and leaves candy seems a little suspect to me. I suppose a portly older man who lives with a bunch of elves in a snowed in paradise and climbs in and out of chimneys all night seems a little more logical. Ahhh, the lies we tell our children. Everything we tell our children is a lie! Tooth Fairy! Easter Bunny! Santa Clause! All lies! While we tell them all of this with an innocent intention, it has to cause some confusion or at the very least a sense of betrayal. I don’t remember feeling that way but Im sure on some level it effects kids. Every year I frighten the crap out of my kids and make them sit on a strange man and giant rabbits lap. That would scare me! But those pictures are so darn cute I have a feeling this may be the last year of a Santa Clause belief for my oldest. You always have that one kid at school who ruins it for the innocent believers but that is pretty much how the rest of life tends to go. I guess its best to have all fantasies of magic crushed and all the lies revealed earlier rather than later in life!

I love how when people (myself included) get in their car, they think they have stepped into some sort of invisibility cloak. Ahhh, the things people do while they are driving. The amount of people picking their nose is alarming. Mainly main and always gross. Lots of texters and talkers because lord knows focusing on the road is boring!! Eventually it will be illegal here. Ladies doing makeup, men shaving their faces, couples fighting, couples….ahem….doing things that are more suited for the bedroom and the list goes on and on and on. One of the most entertaining is the people who think they are pop diva of the year and they are on the stage singing their little hearts out! So cute too watch. Surprisingly, a lot of men sing along too. I know I must be interesting to watch when I am safely tucked away in my invisibility cloak. Something about being stuck in a small box seems to bring out the interesting side of people. My husband and I have had many a fight while driving, Ive yelled at my kids trying to kill each other in the back seat and when a good song comes on (and no one is in the car with me other than my kids) I am singing as loud as I can! Driving is the ultimate freedom and actually a pretty fun experience if you have sleeping children, tons of gas and no need to pee. I love just cruising along, keeping one eye out for cops, and listening to good music.

My cookies have been frosted. There is a bee in my bonnet. My knickers are in a knot. However you want to say it, I am a little pissy. I have a major issue with people that are self imposed victims. By that I mean people that take things that in no way shape or form have to do with them, twist it all around and make it all about them and how they have been victimized. Spare me! It literally irks me to the point of red faced anger. I suppose that says something about me but I am not sure what. For example: Today we went to the Apple store (my charger was acting like a fool) and this man scolded me and my husband like two children. When we arrived, our kids ran for the Kids computer station where a grown man was sitting on one of the little kid seats. He got up and my daughter sat down and as I was walking up, he helped my other daughter get into the games. My husband and I watched intently as a grown man near your daughters is always a time for parents to pay attention. He then went back to his computer. No biggie UNTIL he went up to my husband and said “I need you to come speak with me and your wife.” My husband was like “What??????” thinking this guy was my affair! Anyway, the man proceeded to scold us about how we offended him and how that rarely happens to him. Apparently we judged him based on his looks (he had a few tattoos LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERYONE ELSE ON EARTH) and how we should have thanked him for giving up the CHILDREN SEAT and how we should have thanked him for helping our daughter with the computer. As I was about to go off on this ridiculous human being, my husband stepped in, apologized and thanked him. I swallowed my “are you kidding me right now” response and never said a word to this man. A grown man should get out of a child’s seat. A grown man/woman should always get up for pregnant women and the elderly and never should expect a thank you. That’s just what you do!!!! Also, helping my daughter with the computer upset me more than anything, You are a stranger! We were right there! Stay away from my kids! Ugh I could not believe I received a lecture on manners from this man. It was just insanity and the perfect example of a self imposed victim. No one did anything to him but in his twisted mind, he had be assaulted. There are much bigger problems in this world…..

I am never sure when I should start putting up the Christmas decorations. If I went by the retail stores, I would have my decorations up on  November 1st and if I went by my mother, I would put them up on Christmas Eve. It seems like the decorations come out earlier and earlier each year. The music on the radio also seems to have started earlier this year. In the past, the obnoxious Christmas music would play from December 1st through to Christmas (or New Years…I cant remember) and this year it was cranked up and ready to annoy by mid November. I enjoy Christmas music here and there but an entire month is a little intense. I am not thrilled with Christmas music these days. Every artist and Chipmunk alike have a Christmas album of some sort and they really needn’t. I prefer the old Christmas songs and even instrumentals like the Nutcracker. The albums that the Justin Bieber’s of the world put out are just to make another dime. They are basically pop music and I prefer the classics. Jingle Bells, I’m dreaming of a White Christmas etc. Not everything needs to change because not all change is for the better! I saw the Nutcracker one year and it is a wonderful production and the music is phenomenal. We all can probably recognize it! My mom used to put it on and my youngest sister would dance and dance to it. It is definitely apart of the holidays for me! I think, crappy Christmas music aside, I am getting into the spirit. It is such a magical time of year!

My two year old is addicted to Strawberry Shortcake (the girl, not the dessert) at the moment. What was old is new again because when I was a little girl I loved Strawberry Shortcake. I had the doll (complete with that delightful faux strawberry smell) and I had the jammies. I am sure I had other stuff but that’s all I recall at the moment. It’s kind of cool that the things that I loved when I was a little girl my kids can now enjoy. I would much prefer the dessert over the girl at this age but oh well! Such a refreshing, somewhat guilt free dessert….Anyway, they have brought back a few things that were apart of my childhood like My Little Pony and the Smurfs. Its either lack of creativity in the television/movie industry or perhaps they were just that great. I am going to go with the lack of creativity argument but nevertheless, I am able to show my girls pictures of me wearing my Strawberry Shortcake jammies and that is kind of neat. Should they happen to bring back He-Man She-ra and the gang, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. That would actually probably make a great movie with real actors! I wonder why that hasn’t been done actually! They have done like 12 American Pie sequels with every Stiffler relative they could muster but never a He-Man movie…..I miss the 80′s. The fashion was insanely colorful, ‘hammer’ was a kind of pant, hair defied gravity and ideas were original! Now I want Strawberry Shortcake!

I may be uncool for this post but oh well! On Thanksgiving, the BIG game was on and the topic of a woman trying to join the team and being rejected came up. I am not a bra burning kind of gal and I said women have no place on a football team. While I think women can be the equal of men intellectually, physically we are not the same. A woman on a football field with 350 pound men coming at them would be severely injure or potentially killed. It is just to dangerous. Im all for women in the workplace. I prefer women doctors and women teachers etc but when it comes to buying a car, I want a man and when it comes to getting that car repaired, I want a man. I am very old fashioned I suppose but I think some jobs are men jobs and others are women jobs. I would prefer to take Ballet class from a woman and I would prefer to leave my kids with a female nanny. As far as rough sports go, I think women need to get real and stay safely in the sidelines or create a female league of football players. By having all female players, you even the playing field (no pun intended) and everyone can play as safely as football will allow. I don’t know. I guess I am stuck in the dark ages but I like my bra and will never burn it and I will always view men and women differently. I suppose it was because I was put in a onesie that said I was “pretty like mommy” while my brother wore one that said “smart like daddy”!! (just kidding!)

Whenever something is wrong (health-wise) and it doesn’t seem serious, I always look to alternative or homeopathic remedies first. I don’t like antibiotics at all and will only take them if it is absolutely necessary. They scare me. I believe that if you take too many, you will eventually become resistant to them and when you need them the most, they wont work. I have no scientific evidence to back this up but it is what I believe so there you go. I prefer natures antibiotic which is also known as Garlic. I dont mean Garlic powder, pickled garlic or dry garlic flakes. I mean a raw piece of garlic fresh off the bulb. I eat it whenever something is amiss and actually whenever I feel like it. I take a whole clove (sometimes 2) chop it up and put it on toast. It is delicious! I swear my blood flows better after I eat it. I feel better. I stink, but I feel better! Garlic is known to keep the vampires away, and while we don’t have the blood sucking Transylvania kind roaming around, (well, except for those freak shows that take that Vampire series waaayyy too seriously…what’s it called? Eclipse? The one with Kristen Stewart…) we do have energy vampires. My point is, try eating raw garlic! It may burn your stomach at first as the first time I ate a whole clove I thought I may die. This was about 12 or so years ago. My mom eats raw garlic like its popcorn and she turned all of us kids on to it. I swear it helps and you will eventually develop a taste for it. I actually crave it sometimes! Google the benefits! You will be amazed…..

Thankfully Black Friday is over with. I am not a fan of that day and I spend it locked up in my house…safe…not spending a dime on a bazillion things I don’t want nor need because they are on sale. Whenever stores are jam packed with people emptying their wallets, I am always tempted to ask “what recession?” When the holidays stroll around, you sure wouldn’t know that there are millions of people struggling out there judging by the crowds. I already hate big crowds. I feel so much anxiety when I am surrounded by people I don’t know and some I don’t want to know. I was bored out of my mind today but I didn’t spend a dime and I didn’t have to deal with traffic or packed parking lots. We had a lovely day at home complete with a nap Some people probably enjoy the rush of getting a ‘deal’ and the action involved and I understand that. Getting a deal always feels good but I also understand things get marked up to get marked down and that ‘deal’ is sometimes nothing more than an illusion. I feel like scrooge writing this but I don’t view the holidays as a mass of people fighting over the hot new toy. I view it more as the time spent with family and my becoming famous Christmas Cookies. I make them with my kids every year and by January 1st, I am in need of cookie rehab. Something about those cookies is so addictive and let me just say, having them chilled makes them even better! See, that’s what the holidays are about! Making cookies with you kids and gaining weight! I will do ALL of my shopping in one afternoon (possibly two) and it will most likely be the week of Christmas!

Well, last  night did not turn out as hoped. My sister never showed up because she was fighting with her boyfriend about the most insane nonsense. Brace yourself. This is ridiculous. She was mad at him because he said he didn’t want to marry her. Now, they have only been together since June (I think!) and he is two years younger than her making him a whopping 24 years old! OF COURSE HE DOESNT WANT TO GET MARRIED! She called me (I guess hoping I would say “off with his head”) but I (the voice of reason) agreed with him! Needless to say, she got mad and hung up on me. She tried every argument in the book to get me to agree with her. She even used my marriage. She brought up that my husband purposed to me 3 months after I met him, which I promptly told her ‘was my story’ not hers. Why do women want to rush marriage so much? My sister seems to think that it is some magical land where life is better. Well, let me burst that bubble real quick! Marriage does not make someone love you more, behave better or become more mature. I think too many people hope that after they marry, something about their significant other will ‘get better’ but it wont. Marriage doesn’t change people, people change people. I tried to explain that to her but she is a stage 5 clinger and cannot be reasoned with. Shes so desperate and needy its sad. I always took the opposite approach and enjoyed freedom and independence. All in all, Thanksgiving was a good time regardless of being a few people short at the table.