Surviving the Domestic Jungle

25 SIGNS YOU MAY BE CANADIAN:

1. You’re not offended by the term “HOMO MILK”.

2. You understand the phrase “Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield.”

3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

5. You know that a Mickey and 24′s mean, “party at the camp, eh!!!”

6. You don’t care about the fuss with Cuba. It’s a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars .

7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

12. You brag to Americans that; Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & Mike Myers are Canadians. … also , Alex Trebec, David Foley, Matthew Perry etc.etc.

13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

14. You know what a toque is.

15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced “Zed”.

17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

19. You know that when it’s 25 degrees outside, it’s a warm day.

20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

21. You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan”.

22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from `Hockey Night in Canada’.

23. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

24. “Eh?” is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, “Huh?”

25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them!”

For some of us (and by some of us I mean me) the winter weight gain epidemic kicks off today! I am 6 oz away from my prebaby weight and I have zero intention of screwing that up. I only know I have 6 oz to go because I have a digital scale! I would say I worked hard to get rid of the weight but that would be a lie. I only had 20 to lose and strangely it came off in 5 pound increments. I would randomly just be thinner then hold steady for a while then magically drop another 5. Unfortunately I do not gain weight magically! I gain it because I have a sweet tooth that is out of control…on occasion. I do not plan on gaining an ounce of weight! I am much more active now that the weather is being nice and I will only continue to be more active. I bought a cheap full length mirror the other day because only seeing from your waist down can lead to pants that look less than desirable. I now have an idea of what I actually look like and it is very motivating! Im actually really looking forward to walking tonight as it is one of my favorite activities. I could walk to Canada! As long as I have something to look at I am good to go…..for miles! My neighborhood is not good for walking because it is right next to a busy road and there aren’t any sidewalks. I Would join a gym but I cant be bothered. I absolutely hate to sweat and I am not a lift weights kind of girl. I may throw most of the candy away as my oldest only cares about her outfit and my youngest daughter would eat the entire haul in one sitting. There is no middle ground so I may casually throw some away each day because I have about as much restraint as my middle child!

Halloween is a fun holiday and I am looking forward to taking the kids trick or treating tonight! I prefer the more innocent part of Halloween like fairies and princesses and prefer to leave the scary stuff to someone else. A bazillion years ago when I was a teenager I went to the Halloween celebration downtown and was scared to death. Everyone knows the mask from the Scream movies and someone was wearing one who was walking right behind me. I freaked out! In my mind, it was the real killer armed with a knife and about to kill the stupid high school girl walking in front of him…..I have not been to a downtown celebration of Halloween since and have zero plans to go! I will be hanging with my kids at my brothers house! Apparently their street does a whole big thing for all of the kids and they invited us to partake which is kind of cool because their neighborhood is better set up for trick or treating! Also it will be nice to have someone to take the kids trick or treating with because my husband and my brother both have to work a little late tonight. Unfortunately we will look like jackasses who hate children because our house will be dark with no one handing out candy but oh well, we usually are. Not because we are Grinch’s but because we usually go to friends or families houses to go trick or treating. Stay safe, have fun and overindulge in sugar!

Im feeling kind of down today about my family. My sisters are the biggest let down of all! Aren’t sister supposed to hang out, go shopping, help each other out in a pinch and even babysit when needed? My sisters are useless in all of those departments and it kind of sucks. I don’t have a friend that is like a sister either. My best friends live in other cities or have different social lives than I do. Either way, I am bummed. I haven’t talked to my mom in a week so maybe that’s whats bugging me. She has been at the family ranch for a week with various friends popping by. I called her one day but she was pretty quick to get off the phone. Ugh! I wish I had a more involved mom and better sisters…woe is me! I’m officially taking applications for two new sisters and a new mother. I love them all but they are not good at their jobs…in my opinion which usually is very critical. My sister who is closet in age is the exact opposite of me. I’m brunette, she’s blond. I’m skinny (ish), shes big boned. I’m a non drinker, shes a borderline alcoholic. I’m responsible, she is irresponsible. I’m married, she’s not. I have kids, she doesn’t. You can see how things are quickly not looking good for a close relationship! I am Grouchy McGroucherson from Grouchville tonight

I found this article the other day about the possibility of choosing your baby’s gender. They give tips on how to achieve this and quite frankly I am not sure how I feel about this. I don’t like it because I think you should just be grateful that you are able to have a child as millions of women are unable and spend a bazillion dollars a year trying. I can get pregnant laying next to my husband and for that I am very thankful and I realize I am lucky so I have always been open to whatever baby wants to come into this world. However, I understand that for some people having a certain gender is a necessity or a precaution. What if you carried some disease that only affected boys and not girls, you would probably hope you had a girl for the babies sake. Countries where women are treated terribly you may want to try for a boy. For me, if my third had been a girl I wouldn’t have had to buy much because of all the hand me downs! I had a boy though and had to buy everything and have no one to pass it on to because I only have nieces! Hudson is the ONLY boy in a gaggle of girls….and he is the youngest! I think some things are best left up to fate/destiny/the universe/God/Luck. There are always exceptions to every rule but in this case I think it is best to just let things take their course. If we start ‘designing’ our babies I think we are headed down a very dark path and ruining a very pure, innocent and wonderful process. Would you choose the sex of your children? Click the picture for the article!

I have been a southerner for almost half my life and I have never once really truly embraced the lifestyle. I have never eaten a chicken fried steak and I actually thought a chicken fried steak was chicken for an embarrassingly long time. I had never heard of grits, black eyed peas and I had never been ‘fixin’ to do anything. Most of all, I have never embraced the ‘look’. I do not wear unflattering jeans that highlight the genitals (if men think they look good in those super tight wranglers need a reality check because they might as well be wearing leggings! It looks like your penis is in shrink wrap and some of you needn’t highlight that area is there is no ‘wow’ factor! Cant believe I am saying that but someone needs to!!) I have never worn belt buckles that make it diffiuclt to sit down and I have never worn cowboy boots…..until yesterday! Ok, in all fairness they were not real cowboy boots as those are a couple of hundred bucks a pair! Mine were on sale at this great shoe store and they are a cute boot and surprisingly comfy! I may actually save up for a real pair! I kind of like them as a trendy thing because lord knows I am not a cowboy, I dont ride horses and I dont do farm work! I would if the opportunity presented itself but somehow I do not see me being recruited for any outdoor work! Im glad I took the plunge and tried them out even if I did feel like listening to country music and throwing on a cowboy hat! How fantastic are the boots in the picture? LOVE THEM!

I have spent most of my life living in large cities and that’s probably where I am happiest although the small town thing appeals as well. In a small town there is much more sense of community but at the same time there are restrictions on what you can do. I had to take my oldest daughter to her dads this weekend, and when I do, I travel through many small towns and occasionally I stop in one to shop so the kids can stretch their legs, as the drive is a little long for the baby to do in all one sitting. Last night we stopped and went into a ‘Bealls’ store which is also known as a ‘Palais Royal’ and basically is a department store in strip malls. It is nothing all that special but sometimes they have really cute things. Anyway, whenever I go into these small town stores I stand out like a sore thumb. Between my double stroller and loud kids…we get noticed. I am not some quiet little country girl at all! In fact, the country kind of scares me but only really rural country towns. Our family ranch is located in the middle of pretty much nowhere and at night when you lay in bed, you cant see your hand in front of your face. I hate that because then my mind starts wandering and it is just downhill from there. I like going there but I am always ready to leave! A nice small town with quick access to a big city sounds like a good mix but for now, it is big city living for us!

I have many various theories, philosophies and trains of thought. Most of them have a tendency to be absolutely ridiculous but I hold true to them. My favorite, that I swear works, is that calories consumed OUTSIDE of your house do NOT count. At home I could eat one cookie and gain 20 pounds but when I am out to dinner and have a slice of cheese cake thicker than my thigh, I wake up skinner the next day. I dont understand it but it works I realize and embrace the fact that I border on insanity and one of my next trains of thought is also a little weird. I do not wear tennis shoes (‘sneakers’ for my Canadian friends who would only wear tennis shoes to play actual tennis. I don’t know why they are called that here…..) and I do not wear t-shirts. Oh god wearing t-shirts makes me so uncomfortable!!!!!!! I feel like a man when I put one on and it is even worse when paired with tennis shoes.  I own one t-shirt and I only purchased it to support my sister when she joined the navy. That’s it. I never wear it. Not even to bed. It just hangs in my closet above my tennis shoes feeling neglected and dusty. I have decided that while I will never embrace wearing t-shirts, I may embrace wearing tennis shoes. I have 4 pairs but none of them inspire me so I was thinking if I went and bought super sporty cute ones that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to be like a normal person and wear tennis shoes. Blogs like this remind me of just how neurotic and ridiculous I am! Am I alone on the t-shirt/ tennis shoe thing? Anyone???

I watched a very cute movie that had some awesome quotes in it that I thought I would share with you! Before you read the first quote, consider the fact that if men lived their lives with this quote in mind, everyone would be just a little bit happier:

Before making any decision in your life, no matter how small, call your wife first. Think of yourself as a brain damaged mule lost in the desert. Helpless, dumb and in constant need of direction. Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own and never deviate from the plan. Why? Because you are a brain damaged mule and you are lost in the desert!

Men and women do not have to play by the same rules. I didn’t make up that rule about the rules so don’t get mad at me! The next quote is about children and I am confident enough to admit that I have actually said something to this effect…often. When my kids are terrors, I ALWAYS say they are tired or in a phase but other peoples kids are just bad! I am terrible but I guess I am not alone if it is a quote in a movie.

“These are called children, or dependants. Never despair at your own child. Everything they do is a miracle from God. When they are bad its only because they are ‘tired’ or going through a ‘phase’. When other kids are bad, its because of indulgent parenting or innate defects in the child’s character.”

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did

I personally don’t think a wife should be considered a replacement for a mans mother. I think that way of thinking is a little askew. I think it is a little confusing and weird to be honest. I do not want my husband to look at me in a ‘moment of passion’ (I feel like a jack ass writing that for some reason!) and think “mommy” or even in any way shape or form associate me with his mom. I don’t want him to treat me like his mom or expect me to do things like his mom. I am my own person and I have my own way of doing things. I certainly don’t look at him as a father figure! I don’t want him to tell me what to do or tell me to put on jeans under my dress and I certainly don’t want him to intimidate my dates! Just kidding but I think I am making my point. It is just weird to co-mingle those feelings and associations. If you want your mother and the way she does things, go home! My husband (THANKFULLY) never does this to me. He will however mention how his grandmother used to cook things. Considering that a 5 year old could probably cook better than me, I am not surprised. I am not going to change the way I do things just because Grandma used to do it a certain way just like I don’t expect him to go chew tobacco while running a farm or join the military like my grandfather did! While my son is a mamas boy and always will be (whether he wants to or not!!!!) I want him to embrace whoever he ends up with and allow her to be who she is! She will never be perfect like me but she sure can give it her best shot! That was a JOKE! A big one! I am flawed beyond measure….It is what makes me cute I think I have had too much diet coke…..