Sep
27
Sometimes I think marriage is the best thing ever. A partnership that you build on and grow from. Sometimes I think marriage is the biggest absolute waste of time ever. I don’t think I am a relationship person so I struggle with marriage feeling….right. I prefer to be alone for most things. I like the freedom that comes from being single but the companionship of having your bud with you is also very comforting. Either way it is a struggle to make a marriage work. The crap thing is it never gets better. My mom and other women who have been at the marriage thing awhile seem to be dealing with similar struggles and my sister in law and I were giggling a few weekends back about how it never gets better. It actually isn’t funny because I had put a lot of hope in the fact that marriage turns into an easy breezy beautiful (cover girl) experience. It apparently does not turn into anything better, same old crap now just with wrinkles and sags. Yippee Frickin Skippee. Overall I am happy and proud of the family that my husband and I have built but some days if he just disappeared I would be ok with that. I’m sure he feels like that about me some days. Sometimes the love/hate thing gets a little annoying but I suppose bickering and annoying each other is just one of the many lovely aspects of marriage that we all deal with.
Matt said:
October 9th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
I know this was probably a bit of a rant during a time when you were annoyed at your hubby, but I do have to say that I don’t feel the same way at all.
I have never once found my marriage to be a struggle. There are struggles in life with work, money, house stuff and upkeep, family, friends, and all of that, but those are problems that everyone deals with on a daily basis, and they are the same problems that happen whether you are married or just dating, etc.
We’ve been married for six years and we haven’t once gone to bed angry. We have had very few actual fights, and the only fight that comes to mind happened when my wife was just pregnant (and we didn’t yet know), and her emotions were completely out of whack, and I was overtired and hungry and cranky. She was a bitch and I was an asshole and we lost it. But only an hour later we made up and vowed not to do that again if we could help it!
We respect each other. We have our own interests. We have our own favourite TV shows and music and movies. We have our own routines in the morning and before bed. We give each other space. But we also spend the vast majority of our time together, and we watch TV and movies that we both like, and we do everything together, and it never gets old.
I know that once our baby arrives, things will be a bit different, and there will be new sources of stress. But we have been through so much and so many stressful situations that I know it really won’t be all that different overall for us.
I am not trying to brag or anything like that. I just read this blog post a couple of weeks ago and it really stood out to me. I talked to a few married friends and they all felt the same way I do, even those who have kids. My parents have had a struggle or two during their marriage, but they got through them, and those struggles have been few and far between in 38 years.
To them (and us), it is not a daily struggle. It is not love/hate. It does get better. It IS easy. Honestly, loving my wife and being with her and living our life is the easiest thing in the world. It’s the outside world that causes struggles, but we fight through them – together.
Cortney said:
October 9th, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Sometimes when I write posts it is in the heat of the moment! Marriage (mine) is not an everyday struggle but it sure can be hard some days. If it were only my husband and I we would have such a great life! We have the same interests and really get along well……Then there are three little kids! We haven’t had a date since I was 9 months pregnant 7 months ago and I have to book my mom weeks in advance for babysitting. We don’t have family handy and I do not trust just any babysitter. It is hard when you are tired and stressed and the kids are screaming etc but then at the end of the day you share one kiss and that is enough of a connection to keep going. Once you welcome your little bundle of joy, the dynamic of your relationship will change…..not that it is a bad thing! The 6 years you guys knew will be officially over…… but it is well worth it. Having a baby will strengthen your love as well as test it but ultimately it is all a learning experience. I love my husband very much but no one pisses me off like he can. I know that works both ways and you’re right, it is the outside struggles that cause the stress and sometimes we take it out on each other and sometimes we support each other. If marriage were easy for everyone the divorce rate would be much better. I think you have something very special and as my husband go along, our goal is to have a marriage like yours. We both have learned a lot from each other and grown as a couple. At the end of the day we are a family regardless of how much we annoy each other and us working out every little fight is a must. We do go to bed angry and sometimes don’t talk to each other for a few days but always come back together and move forward. A little tip from a mom of three: When I would freak out because of hormones, I knew what a psycho I sounded like but I couldn’t stop. You can get so worked up over anything and just lose it. Be patient with her because she is growing your baby and every time she is stressed, so is the baby!
Thank you for responding to my post and being honest and open about your marriage! I always appreciate every comment