Surviving the Domestic Jungle

Sometimes you can find talent in some of the most unlikely places. It is just whether someone is willing to take a chance on that person and give them an opportunity to shine! I feel like I have been given one of those chances. I have been writing for an SEO (search engine optimization) company that is pretty small (The owner and I text each other..its pretty relaxed) and now he has offered me the opportunity to write all the content on a website! How do you say awesome? AWESOME! I am beyond excited to do this especially since it is a furniture website! Furniture is kind of a big deal in my family….Anyway, I know he is taking a huge risk by allowing me to take on that much responsibility but he must see something in me. My husband would say I work very cheaply and I do but to me this is just an education. The fact that I get a trivial amount of money is the icing on the cake! I love putting together articles and getting positive feedback. There is  nothing better than being told you did a good job on something you really worked hard on. I am going to work my ass off on this and attempt to dazzle him and the furniture company owner. Im excited to see how I do actually! Should the opportunity arise to take a chance on an unlikely candidate, consider doing it! It may work out…

I have never had a facial and now that 30 is days away, perhaps it is time to consider things of that nature. I dont want to look like an old haggard bag of wrinkles while my facial getting sister in law walks around avoiding aging! She is wanting to take me for one for my birthday and I have to say I am intrigued. Then I had an idea….I said what I wanted was someone to teach me to do my makeup for my coloring and facial features. How cool would that be to have a one on one session?! Then I thought about what a great business that would be to start! I may not know how to do my makeup all that well but I do not walk around caked in it to overcompensate! Some women just look awful…especially when they don’t blend their mismatching their skin-tone foundation. Dear god get the appropriate foundation and BLEND IT! I may not know much but looking like a clown is not a risk I am willing to take. I read somewhere that the more pronounced your facial features are the less make up you should wear. Well, if you know me, you know I have some pronounced features! I don’t know if anyone knows this but my little Jane of the Jungle character is modeled after me and trust me, she has a much better nose than I do!! Anyway, I would love to have a one on one session and if I was good at makeup, I would totally start a business teaching it!

Today I had one of those moments that someone makes you look like a jack ass and there is nothing you can do about it but look like a jack ass. The carpool lane at my daughters school has become a little more orderly and there is now a crossing guard who seems to enjoy his power. He ushered me up to where I was blocking one of the entrances into the school. I doubled checked that it was ok. He said yes so I did what I was told. Teachers have an intimidating factor no matter how old you get! Anyway, he then proceeds to walk away and an enormous amount of traffic builds up wanting to turn into the entrance I was now blocking. Well, enter jack ass moment. I looked like “that person” who just openly blocks entrances. I was embarrassed but at the same time I was told to be there so I didn’t actually know how to feel. I was not impressed with the skills of the teacher/ crossing guard. The carpool is the LAST place you want to make a mistake. People get rowdy when that line does not flow smoothly. The only person who knew I wasn’t a jack ass was the minivan behind me who saw him make me move forward. I just sat there with literally 20 cars glaring at me….that was fun!

Finding the time to write today has proven to be a little difficult. I had a very grouchy baby boy all day! I love the baby stage. I especially love my baby’s breath. I know it’s a little odd but he is breastfed and his breath smells so sweet. I smell my babies in general. I smell their hair, their necks, their little toes! There is nothing that smells as sweet as your own baby! Anyway, I love when they are little. He is the biggest, chubbiest little happiest guy in the world BUT he is also demanding and when he wants mommy, there is no telling him no. He gets mad at me and has a certain cry he does only when he is mad at me. Like all mothers, you eventually learn all the different cries that come out of your baby. He was such a huge grouch today for most of the day and it has left me feeling a little overwhelmed. I need very little regrouping time but when I need it, I need it. When I throw in the towel, that means I am pretty close to a breakdown of some sort. I had a moment earlier where I felt that way but I pulled through. I know I am not alone in wanting to just cry sometimes when things become too much. Most days I do not feel overwhelmed at all. I mean I do take care of me three kids all day everyday so I am pretty accustomed to insanity and chaos! I’m tired, its hot and I haven’t had a moment to myself and I have to write a 600 word article before I go to sleep. I know, I know… woe is me but just in case anyone was feeling like checking into the insane asylum today, you weren’t alone!!!

Last night I was working on the event planning course I am taking and I am at the part where they give you scenarios and you are supposed to figure out the best way to fix it. The answers are in the back of the book but one of the scenarios was the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. It was about a gay couple who were planning a commitment ceremony (should be called a wedding! If someone wants to enter into the hell that is marriage, there shouldn’t be a law stopping them!) and one of the grooms hadn’t come out to his aunts, uncles and cousins but he wanted them to come to his wedding. The answers in the back said he should call each family member and give them a heads up that he was gay and then send the invitation. I couldn’t believe this! Who calls their family to tell them about their sex life? I certainly didn’t call my aunts and uncles to tell them I have sex with men! I don’t think that anyone should ever feel like they have to explain what they do behind closed doors. Call me a weirdo but I don’t think it is any of my business who anyone sleeps with regardless of whether they are gay or straight. It is time this country and world move beyond all this nonsense! Gay people have been here since the dawn of time and they aren’t going anywhere. They are human beings who deserve respect and the same right to a miserable existence as the rest of us! To be honest it is the straight people sex that scares me way more than gay people sex! I was pretty angry when I filled out my response to the assignment. I put that you send the invitations to your family members and whoever shows up shows up! It was just so crazy to me that they suggested a phone call to explain their sexuality. Ugh I am so over ignorance on this topic.

I love lavender. The scent of it I find to be intoxicating. I have tried to have the plants but I kill every plant I have ever come in contact with…including silk ones!!! I have had lavender scented lotion (Shout out to Kennedy Homemade Products!!) soap (again, shout out to Kennedy Homemade Products) candles, body spray and now I am contemplating just buying it in oil form as perfume. I love it. It does something to me. It calms me…it soothes me. It is such a wonderful scent. As I have aged, my tolerance for harsh perfumes and colognes has drastically decreased. When I was barely a teenager, my favorite perfume was Tiffany (as in little blue box Tiffany) and that’s about the same time I got my first bottle. Loved it! I bought a few bottles overtime but quit wearing because I find I get headaches if I smell too much scent. I used to love cologne on men but now I dread the few times my husband sprays his on him. It really irks me when he literally sprays it and then gets in the car boxing me in with the smell! Ugh instant headache. Lavender on the other hand I could smell all day. In fact, when I am done writing this I am going to go get my spray and douse my room! It will be like living in a little English garden…..

I have a very love hate relationship with being a stay at home mom. I love it because I am with my children everyday. I see them everyday and I am the one raising them the way I want them raised. They know mommy is there all day everyday and I do believe that gives them a solid foundation of feeling secure. I don’t care what phase of life they are in, I will ALWAYS be there for my babies. I could be dying and I would get up to help them. Anything. They are the only people I love unconditionally. Everyone else has conditions. I absolutely despise being a stay at home mom because of the alarming amount of people who think they are better than me. I cant even tell you how many times I have had “what the hell do you do all day” thrown in my face. Um I don’t know, the hardest damn job in the world times three. Why I feel I have to validate myself is beyond me. I should just tell those people to Fuck off. Excuse the french…I’m fluent! I may not get paid to do what I do but it really irks me that people try to put me down like I am lazy for doing it! I am not lazy at all. I do it out of love. I wouldn’t have had children if I wanted them to be raised by nannies. They are only little for such a short time and I don’t want to miss that. When my husband is angry with me he throws it in my face that I do nothing. Ahhhh such lovely words. My sister actually once told me I only have kids so I don’t have to work. We are not close anymore and actually probably never will be. I am not forgiving. Sometimes I think I want some big career but I realize that I would only be doing that to shut up the negative comments. I will have a career when the time is right for me and my kids and I will be a rockstar at that just like I am at being a mom Im quite feisty these days…

Let me paint you a little picture: Its 4 in the afternoon on a Thursday in October. You look outside your window as you stand there drinking a mug of warm apple cider. Normally you would have a cup of tea but being the time of year, apple cider just sounded good. As you stand there sipping away, you notice the sun is starting to set a little earlier and although it is still high in the sky, it is making its decent. The wind blows through the tress that are colored with red, yellow and orange leaves. There are a few green ones still but they are few and far between. The temperature has dropped yet again and you have on your favorite sweater and jeans. The cider warms your chest with each sip and you realize just how cozy you feel. You think to yourself that a stroll through the neighborhood might be nice. The way the crisp, cool air feel when you breathe it in can be so refreshing. Halloween is coming up and maybe you will see which of your neighbors are already decorating. There is something special about the autumn. There is something in the air that gives it a mysterious feel. The lazy days of summer are gone and the dark days of winter have yet to come. If you have never experienced Autumn you are missing out on a very special time if year….

My age for “you better have your life together” is 30 and considering I am a mere 2 weeks away from that age, I am not exactly sure if I have my life together. In some ways I have a fantastic life! I have beautiful kids, I am healthy and married and mostly happy (there are days when I am miserable but those come and thankfully go). I never in my wildest dreams thought I would grow up to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to have so many different careers ranging from Obstetrician to Architect and all of which required math and science which my brain just does not do. I failed miserably at every math and science class I have ever taken. I hate them both…passionately. It has for sure hindered my career choices! If only I could get paid for being a mom! I would be a millionaire! I am definitely not living where I want to be and I definitely don’t have the relationships I want to have as of yet. I want to get to know certain people better and really focus on having friends that are like family. I have a few of those but unfortunately, they are in another country or another state. Everyone that means something to me (for the most part) is in another country. Annoying. I have friends for over 20 years that I never see but yet pick up that phone and chit chat like it was last week at lunch that we saw each other. That’s a true friend. 100 years could go by and nothing has changed the moment you talk again. I don’t know what I want for my 30th….trust me, I have thought about everything from a trip to a piece of jewelery but honestly I dont know what I want. All I do know is I am glad to leave my 20′s behind as they were a major trial and error and lots of errors were made but onward and forward!!

I have spent a lot of my life preaching and believing in the importance of family. The funny thing is, I don’t know who in my family sees things the way I do. Believe it or not, no one in my immediate family reads my blog. Yes, its a blog and not some epic novel or encyclopedia but it is something that’s important to me. When I say no one, I mean no one. My wonderful, beautiful Auntie in another country does! I think one of my sister in laws does every now and again and other than that, no one I live in the same city as and have Christmas dinners with reads it. Even my own husband rarely does. I cant explain how much that hurts my feelings. For a girl who puts family first, I am feeling pretty pissed off. I have gone to graduations and birthday parties and taken an active interest in each and everyone of my siblings. I took my sister on two trips that I footed the bill for! Even my own mom (who I love very much!!) does not even read my blog. My kids color a piece of scrap paper and it is damn near framed on the wall! I couldn’t imagine not being my kids biggest support. I know that a lot of the time I write a bunch of nonsense on here and again, not an epic novel, but it is an expression of me. It is me! Its so disappointing and really saddens me that my family in another country is more interested and supportive than my family 20 minutes away. I dont know. Im just sad….