Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I do not have hours and hours of spare time, but I do wish we had more friends. The question that I ask is, how do you make friends? I dont work, I am not in school so how do you make friends if you arent in the environments that are most likely to create friendships. Its weird to meet someone you think you will enjoy and then ask for their number. How awkward because what if they think you are a loser? Ugh very high school stress. I enjoy making friends that my husband can be friends with their spouse. I enjoy the couple friendships which makes it even harder to make friends because what if he really likes a guy but I hate that guys wife? Or the other way around. Either way, its complicated. We hung out with one couple but mainly we hang out with my siblings and their spouses and that gets boring. I love them but I want some fresh meat!! I want someone who cant tell childhood stories about me and call me the annoying nicknames they gave me 100 years ago! Cant talk to your sister in law about her sex life without throwing up! When the weekends come around, I really am wanting to do social things and most of them we do but I wish we did more. Slowly but surely we will make friends I guess but I wish it was as easy as it was when I was a kid. I watch my 6 year old at the park and she just befriends anyone who is a girl and reasonably close in age. Unfortunately it is a little more complicated at this stage in life. Just because myself and another woman are the same age and well, women, it doesnt mean we will like each other. Its a big gamble to take that approach! Some of us housewife’s have been in isolation for so long that we may have gone a little crazy!! It really can be so isolating to be a stay at home mom but at the same time so rewarding. As with any job, there are pros and cons and the only con that really bugs me is the isolation from other adults. I enjoy my kids so much, it doesnt bug me that much but some days I just would like something other than diapers, carpools and screaming!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was the funeral and I am not a funeral expert or anything but this funeral went from sweet to really weird very quickly! My husband was very emotional as they were talking about his grandmother and what kind of a lady she was. His brother read a short eulogy that he had written and then, the preacher took over and it went downhill. I had my arm around my husband and my other hand on his leg (kind of a side hug) as he was crying and then when the preacher started talking about death, the apocalypse and the middle east, his whole body language changed. He went from feeling weak and vulnerable to feeling stiff and angry. I knew he was angry the moment the world apocalypse came up. Quick question…What does the apocalypse have to do with this woman? Perhaps the link between her and the middle east can be explained? I was horrified. I didn’t think it could get worse but it did. He then asked this grieving family to raise their hands if they have been saved by Jesus. I about fell out of my seat. I could not understand what the hell that had to do with his grandmother!!!! I thought funerals were a celebration of that person! Stories being told and prayers being said. Perhaps a picture show or maybe her favorite song played. Role call of Jesus believers was not what I was expecting. I just sat there shocked and when he asked for the show of hands, I was frozen. Not that I would have raised my hand anyway. I am a huge believer in God but Jesus saving my soul stuff is a little over the top for me. I do not begrudge people their beliefs and actually think devotion at that level is admirable but it is not for me. At that moment I was focused on keeping my husband calm and attempt to stop him from doing something irrational. My husband wanted to hear about his grandmother, not the preachers apocalypse warnings. Anyway, it was a disaster. So many people left the service feeling like wtf just happened? Even the ones that were deeply religious were a little shocked. The after “party” (not sure what word is appropriate there), was wonderful and made up for the weirdness of the service. His grandmother was a dearly loved woman and I hope she rest in peace knowing she was a wonderful person!

My husbands grandmother passed away on the weekend and the funeral is tomorrow and we have to travel to get there and being I believe it is highly inappropriate to bring children to a funeral, I am leaving my girls with my mom. I have to take the baby because, well, he’s 9 weeks old and he needs his mommy and her boobs! It will be my first time EVER being away from Hailey overnight. I am having anxiety about it but I know she will be ok since she will be with my mom who she loves so much its insane. I have been stressing over what to wear and still don’t know what I am wearing. Obviously black is the color of a funeral but I am having a problem finding an appropriate outfit. I suppose nowadays you don’t have to wear black but I don’t exactly want to show up in sunshine yellow! I’m not exactly up on my funeral etiquette. I am a few pounds over my usual weight and so I am not exactly fitting into certain things at the moment. I don’t want to wear some stupid outfit because it fit. I am going to raid my moms closet and hope she has something in her extensive wardrobe. Aside from the shallow stuff like wardrobe, I am concerned over how my husband will handle tomorrow. I know its going to be pretty heavy for him and I feel terrible. I lost my grandmother about 14 years ago (WOW it has been a long time and I didn’t even realize it until I put a number to it!) and I know how hard it was for my family. I haven’t been to a funeral since I was in high school and I don’t know how to act. It’s so awkward and so sad and all those  mourning people. I feel weird and disrespectful smiling! Hopefully I don’t make an ass of myself and thankfully I wont have to worry about the girls in that situation. The baby I can handle! Also Im not really a hugger unless I know you but Im sure some of these upset people will need a hug but do I go in for the hug first or do I allow them to show signs of needing a hug? If I lost someone I dont know if I would want a hug. I guess I need to relax and whatever happens happens and focus on my husband and being there for him. I guess I am a little more stressed out about this than I originally thought.

As I lay here in bed with my three kids, I feel so lucky to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day! Being a mother means everything to me. As much as my kids (especially my girls!) can drive me nuts, they are all such joys in my life. Each of them offer something totally different and their personalities range from loud and boisterous to high maintenance and quiet! Watching them grow and change is one of my favorite things to do. Of course we do have a new addition to the celebration this year and that is my son, Hudson. He is a big reason I deserve a gold medal of mother-ship this year!! This day also makes me think about my own mom who means so much to me. She is more like my daughter and I feel more like her mother nowadays being I nag her about her health and how she never calls me! She does call me but just not as much as I would like I will be the mother that calls my kids 30 times a day. I will be the mom that just shows up at my kids homes and basically will have chronic empty nest once they are grown ups. I know I am an over bearing mom who is extremely involved in their lives and always will be. I will be their biggest cheerleaders and cry at every milestone like graduation and marriage. When I became a mom, I understood my mom better and the choices she made when I was a child. It actually helped heal some of the things she did I didnt agree with. Now my mom is my best friend and I really enjoy her company and our time together and I know when she is old and crotchety, I will be the one to take care of her. I do not look forward to those days but I will of course be there for her and I hope one day my kids are there for me. As mothers, we all do the best we can and hope that our kids turn out ok! Here’s to the mothers of the world and the extremely important job they do!!

The movie “Pay it Forward” had such a wonderful message that I truly believe in. We are blessed in so many ways and when something extra good happens to remind me that I am lucky, I do something I consider to be paying it forward. It may not be much, but to someone with less, it could mean the world. I went through my girls clothes this morning to donate what doesn’t fit, what they don’t like etc and I plan on doing mine as well. Then, we donate it…freely. No tax receipts. Just a gift to a local shelter. It is so important to do things like donate your old linens, clothing, shoes and various other items because there are so many who have nothing or very little! I wish I could do more and find a food pantry to donate some food to. I was watching this woman on tv who has a food pantry (not sure if they are called that but its somewhere you can go to get free food) and she was crying because she worries about all the kids in America who will go without food this summer because they are out of school and no longer being fed. It’s heart breaking to think 1 in 4 American kids do not have enough to eat. How can that be?? That is an alarming amount. I see so many damn obese people waddling around and think maybe they could spare a meal or two for these kids! Sorry, that is a catty comment but it is just sickening to think of kids going hungry in this country. When I was a kid, I got the whole “You better finish your dinner because there are kids starving in Africa.” That saying needs to be updated to “You better finish your dinner because 3 of your friends are starving!” Either way, feeding and clothing the children (Adults are perfectly capable of doing for themselves and I in no way believe that they are as important as the children! Children are innocent victims of their parents circumstances) should be a priority. The situations some kids grow up in is just heart breaking but we can do something to help even if it is a small gesture like a new shirt or a snack. Go through your stuff! Give freely and always give back something when you get extra!!

So everyone is talking and celebrating Osama Bin Laden’s death which is slightly morbid but nonetheless a victory. It’s hard to believe that 10 years ago 9/11 happened and now we are finally getting this guy. It’s amazing to me that anyone can hide in this world anymore. Especially with one of the most recognizable faces on earth!! Oh well, he’s dead. What worries me, is who is going to be next to step up to the ‘hating Americans’ plate and is he going to be even crazier. I dont really understand all the hate for Americans because this country is a country mainly made up of immigrants and kids of immigrants and so obviously there is a desire to live amongst Americans. I get that Americans can be abrasive and always charge in to save the day whether they were invited or not, and that leaves a bad taste in some peoples mouth, but all in all, Americans are just regular people living their lives just like anyone else. We, like other regular people, cant control what our government does. Want to attack someone, attack the politicians and leave the innocent people out of it. I just hope that one day all the hate and wars turn into peace and compromise but that is a very naive way of thinking considering both hate and war have been going on since the dawn on man. It was a very good weekend for moral in the world though. We have been bombarded with such tragedies the last few months that the world needed good news. The Royal Wedding was watched by billions of people all over the world and the theme of that day was LOVE! Then the death of a monster? We are living it up around here huh? The world needs good every now and again and if we have to celebrate the death of bad people, so be it. Whoever the men were that killed that son of a b*$ch, they deserve a huge pay raise and a paid vacation!

Yesterday was animal insanity!! We have some parakeets whom I am not all that fond of. They were a gift for my daughter so I had to keep them because she gets emotionally attached to everything! They are messy. Messy, messy, messy. The seeds, oh my god the seeds! Such a mess. Anyway, either the dog discovered the birds or accidentally knocked down their cage and they got out. One was clipped and hid somewhere and the other one was flying around the house like a crazy bird on the loose! It was scary! I didn’t want it flying into me and pecking me! Hello Bird flu!!!!!! I screamed, the dog thought he was in trouble, ran an hid and I had these damn birds, a scared dog and a crying baby in my arms. Ahh to be me. I opened the door to try and get the dog out and of course, the unclipped bird flew right out the damn door!! Ok, so that sucked but secretly I was happy. The SEEDS!! So that left the little green one with the clipped wings. Well, I couldn’t look for it because I had to go get my daughter from school and when we got back, let’s just say, the dog found the other bird. The feathers were EVERYWHERE and as I swept up the remains of the bird, I found it’s wing clip. Avery of course had a nervous breakdown and had to call everyone she had ever met in her life and now hates the dog. Mind you, this child has never even fed or played with these birds in almost three years so she may have a slight flare for the dramatic arts. Either way, bye bye birdies. I feel really bad for both but nature took its course with the one that became the dogs snack and it will take its course with the one who flew the coup! I hope it finds a good life out there somewhere.