Surviving the Domestic Jungle

Do you know how to spell stressed? You spell it m-y-l-i-f-e! It is awful right now. I have had day after day of intense stress and it has worn me down. This puppy situation is damn near unbearable! He KNOWS to go outside yet chooses not to. He is damaging our laminate flooring because it is always wet and I don’t notice his pee sometimes until it is dry because I am with my kids! It is beyond stressful for someone as neurotic as me to have dirty floors. I do NOT have dirty floors…until now. I am cleaning my floors multiple times a day and even that doesnt help with the puppy paw prints and mystery wet spots. To top it off, he had diarrhea and well, that was fun as you can imagine. It’s too much for me to handle so puppy is having an outdoor day and he is not too happy about it but he needs to remember he is an animal. He is a little too pampered in his ac on his fluffy pillow chewing my husbands shoes and kids toys. He needs to get his paws dirty and chase a bird or something. Most importantly, he needs to go to the bathroom outside. On top of that stress, on Saturday night, Hailey got sick. She never, ever throws up. I mean I can count on one hand how many times she has thrown up in her life. Well, now I can count on two hands! She has been sick for the past three days and seems to be better today. She lost weight which is concerning but being she is screaming at me for a cookie as I write this, I think she maybe feeling better. She didnt get better until she threw up in her bed and my bed….twice. Its so gross to clean up vomit. Literally the grossest thing ever! Especially in the bed. I felt so badly for her because when she throws up, she screams and cries. So, sick baby, bathroom challenged dog and I guess we had a holiday in there too. I confess I have been eating way too much chocolate but I really dont give a crap anymore about my weight. I have come to the conclusion that when I was 110 pounds I thought I was fat. When I was 115, 120, 125, 130 I though I was fat. At what point do I just say I like my body and Im not fat? When do I stop being hard on myself and just say I am not 18 and I dont care to look 18 and I have battle scars from having kids but I am healthy and my bmi is healthy and stop putting so much energy into self loathing? Im not perfect but I came to the conclusion that my self confidence no longer comes from anything centered around looks. It comes from what kind of a mom I am. Nothing gives me more confidence about myself than my kids. Boy am I on a tangent today!! I guess I will leave this blog before I go off some more. Im not happy today….