Surviving the Domestic Jungle

Today has been an interesting day! I went to lunch with my best friend from high school (she owns the house we rent) and it was so much fun. I hadn’t seen her since January since life has a way of making you too busy for fun stuff! Anyway, we met up for lunch and some very odd things happened during lunch. Very rude things! It started with my daughter Hailey pushing a chair around for literally a minute and this old woman coming over, grabbing the chair and forcefully pushing it under the table and leaving me, my friend and my daughter all stunned. I mean this woman was very angry and really rough with that chair! It was so strange I couldn’t even react! After a minute of speechlessness, I felt my cheeks get hot and that old lady was lucky she was old and even luckier she was gone! I cant believe that happened even as I write this! Hailey did nothing wrong. We were in a family establishment with kids running everywhere so it’s not like I was at the seniors club disturbing the elderly. Im a mama bear like crazy and had that been someone who wasnt 109, I would have mauled her! Ok, so there was angry chair lady and then when I was trying to put Hudson in the car (Oh, that reminds me! I met a woman in line named Hutson…small world) the van door next to me opened, clipped my hip and threw me back!!! I was like what the hell just happened!? I wasnt hurt or anything because van doors arent exactly the quickest openers but geez people, pay attention! The people apologized and drove off and I was more than happy to leave! Not my friend, we had fun, but all the insane crap that happened. It was an odd lunch to say the least and Im leaving a few stories out but I told the highlight stories so there you go. Attention van drivers of America: Your sliding doors double as weapons….

Im going to talk about the same thing the rest of the world is talking about today! The beautiful Royal Wedding!!! I was almost emotional because it was just such a wonderful occasion in a world of natural disasters, wars and hate! Every now again the people of the world need something positive to celebrate and this was it! They both looked so nervous and so beautiful. I would have been shaking in my tiara if the whole world was watching me get married. I think Kate carries herself extremely elegantly considering she wasn’t raised a royal. She was just a regular commoner like the rest of us who grew up to be a princess and eventually a queen! When Queen Elizabeth steps down from her duties, I hope Will and Kate take over not Charles and Camilla. Probably wont happen but Will and Kate seem to me like they would be better leaders considering Kate’s time as an average joe. Now the world is expecting if not demanding an heir but they don’t seem like they are going to pop one out on anyone’s time schedule but their own. If they have a baby in exactly 9 months, I’d be surprised. I was happy to not see too many celebrities at their wedding being that I believe in tradition. It was not meant to be a celebrity event. It is history and if the likes of Snooki and The Situation were there, I would have been pissed. It would just not have been appropriate. I am so excited to see how their lives unfold and Im sure Princess Diana is somewhere looking down on them smiling! That was a very sad day when she passed and I know she was on the minds of everyone at that wedding and I think she would have approved of Kate which is probably why William is marrying her. Happy day today! Congratulations to the future King and Queen of England!!!

I was watching a movie on Netflix (dont have it? get it!!) and there was a line that has stuck with me that I believe to be the perfect way to sum up marriage:

Getting divorced because you dont love your spouse is as stupid as getting married because you do

Now, lets analyze that little piece of truth!! If you are married, chances are you find that funny yet true. If not, you may not get it and think that marriage is actually about love. Love is 1% of marriage. 90% is compromise and giving up what you want and the other 9% is sex, fun etc. Love is an emotion that fades and when it fades, in comes respect, loyalty and compassion and maybe a few other things but at this moment, that’s all I can think about. The thing about love is that it can bring hate as well. I have my own personal quote that may be disturbing to some but oh well. My quote is this: You have never been in true love until you have contemplated murder. I don’t mean literally but half jokingly, only someone you love that much can hurt you that much which occasionally makes you want to kill them! I know it’s dark but you get my drift…I hope. Marriage is hard and love alone will not get you through it. You really do have to give up on some dreams and desires. Not all, but things change and to keep the peace, you do what you have to do and then try your best not to resent your spouse! See where the hate comes in! Anyway, marriage kind of sucks but there are those moments that make it all worth it. I used to see other couples as having it all figured out and then I would find out they have problems too. We ALL have crappy marriages in my opinion. Who has the perfect, drama free, healthy marriage? No one and if they say they do, they are liars who don’t want to fess up to being in a crappy marriage too. When I say crappy, I don’t mean it as a bad thing. We are all in crappy marriages which means we are all normal, we are all struggling to find our way and we all have really bad days and really good days with our spouses. Here’s my advice, if you are considering marriage, read the quote. If you are considering divorce, read the quote. If you are in between, read the quote as a refresher!

Do you know how to spell stressed? You spell it m-y-l-i-f-e! It is awful right now. I have had day after day of intense stress and it has worn me down. This puppy situation is damn near unbearable! He KNOWS to go outside yet chooses not to. He is damaging our laminate flooring because it is always wet and I don’t notice his pee sometimes until it is dry because I am with my kids! It is beyond stressful for someone as neurotic as me to have dirty floors. I do NOT have dirty floors…until now. I am cleaning my floors multiple times a day and even that doesnt help with the puppy paw prints and mystery wet spots. To top it off, he had diarrhea and well, that was fun as you can imagine. It’s too much for me to handle so puppy is having an outdoor day and he is not too happy about it but he needs to remember he is an animal. He is a little too pampered in his ac on his fluffy pillow chewing my husbands shoes and kids toys. He needs to get his paws dirty and chase a bird or something. Most importantly, he needs to go to the bathroom outside. On top of that stress, on Saturday night, Hailey got sick. She never, ever throws up. I mean I can count on one hand how many times she has thrown up in her life. Well, now I can count on two hands! She has been sick for the past three days and seems to be better today. She lost weight which is concerning but being she is screaming at me for a cookie as I write this, I think she maybe feeling better. She didnt get better until she threw up in her bed and my bed….twice. Its so gross to clean up vomit. Literally the grossest thing ever! Especially in the bed. I felt so badly for her because when she throws up, she screams and cries. So, sick baby, bathroom challenged dog and I guess we had a holiday in there too. I confess I have been eating way too much chocolate but I really dont give a crap anymore about my weight. I have come to the conclusion that when I was 110 pounds I thought I was fat. When I was 115, 120, 125, 130 I though I was fat. At what point do I just say I like my body and Im not fat? When do I stop being hard on myself and just say I am not 18 and I dont care to look 18 and I have battle scars from having kids but I am healthy and my bmi is healthy and stop putting so much energy into self loathing? Im not perfect but I came to the conclusion that my self confidence no longer comes from anything centered around looks. It comes from what kind of a mom I am. Nothing gives me more confidence about myself than my kids. Boy am I on a tangent today!! I guess I will leave this blog before I go off some more. Im not happy today….

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary! Three years ago today, we took the big leap into domestic bliss and there have been a few bumps…holes..craters along the way but here we are, a little dirty and a little tattered but in love and happy nonetheless! Our wedding was extremely unromantic because it was just us and a judge who actually asked us if we wanted to say our vows. We felt so weird by the fact that we were even being asked, we didn’t even say vows! We went for Mexican food afterwards and then I headed back to work! It lacked romance but not love. One day, we will have our wedding and I will get free things like small appliances and cutlery!! I would also love a honeymoon but with the kids being so little, it’s not happening for a while. If I go on a honeymoon, I will go all out! I will go to Europe for a couple of weeks or Hawaii for a couple of weeks. I would also like a real wedding ceremony with the big white dress, (ok, three kids later I suppose my dress would be bright red!) the over the top cake, and tons of flowers and candles!! My husband seriously wouldn’t have any say in the entire thing! I would be a bridezilla because I am a tad particular about how I like things! Maybe it’s best I don’t have a wedding…..Anywho, today is my special day and being we are so relaxed, we are doing nothing. Nothing romantic, nothing special. Just us, the kids, the new dog and some bbq. I think the fact that we are still together, still in love and still happy (Most days!!) is the only present and celebration we need.

So today I have an appointment with a psychic and I am pretty excited. I have never spoken with this psychic but the road that got me to her was interesting enough that I couldn’t just ignore it. Im not going to tell the whole story here, but it is basically an interesting chain of events. I have a very spiritual view on things. I believe in fate and meant to be. I also believe you have to do your part in ‘fate’, whatever your part is. I know spirituality is not an exact science or a science in general. It is more of a feeling or…..I don’t know how to explain it. Beliefs in things that are bigger than us basically. I am a big believer of god but not so much the church thing. Please God (no pun intended!) do not let this turn into some religion debate!! Anyway, so today is my day with this woman and I am really looking forward to it. I haven’t had a psychic reading in years. I went to one who, now looking back, don’t think was real and I also went to this other one and I spent the whole time crying because she brought up things that she couldn’t have known and that just made me so emotional to even speak of. I know a lot of people think that psychics are crap and granted, there are a lot that are. I don’t think of them as being the end all be all of information and they will tell me all about my life and how to live it. I think of them more as a spiritual advisor. They can tell me things but I still have the freewill to change or alter things, that is, if what they say is true! Who knows I guess. Maybe it is more for entertainment but there are psychics out there that are real and speak with people who have passed and if I had bazillions of dollars, I would call them! John Edward for one. I think that is his name. Maybe that’s the name of that cheating politician….Maybe he’s John EdwardS…..Damn it!! I better google it. Anyway, we will see how today goes and I may even tell you the results!!

Yesterday I felt like Cruella De Ville. There was nothing I wanted more than a puppy fur coat! I was so angry with our new little fur ball who was using my house as his own personal bathroom. NOT COOL!! I spent hours working with him and we seem to have made some progress but when you are holding your 6 week old, potty training a dog with your 2 year old climbing your leg in fear, you feel overwhelmed. I like the “idea” of a dog for my kids, for security and for the companionship but skipping the puppy phase would be just fine with me. Puppies are cute but do NOT let them fool you! They are worse than a 2 year old! I was ready to send him packing in my moment of stress but I could never do that to my kids. Although both are scared of him, they probably wouldn’t mind. I just don’t want to teach them that animals are like shoes and can be returned. They cant and even though mommy had a hissy fit, we are keeping our dog. He is actually a very good dog in a lot of ways. He doesn’t bark, he is extremely mellow and lazy and he has never once tried to get on the furniture or beds. When he grows up, I am hoping his protective instincts kick in because now, the door opens and he doesn’t even flinch. Not that I want a dog that barks and attacks visitors but a little more attentiveness would be nice! Oh well, at least Im not worried about the napkins this week. This week it is poop and pee! Ahh to be me!! And people think being a housewife is easy……No, it isnt. I could be sitting in an office, dressed pretty and in heels, doing a job I get paid for and never have to clean up poop! Between Hudson and Hailey’s diapers and the dog, my life is pretty much poop filled these days.

This weekend has been a busy whirlwind and Im officially pooped! I went for a pedicure and was some how forced into a pedicure, manicure and eyebrow wax! I was basically told I was getting the manicure and eyebrow wax because those nail ladies are some tough chicks! Absolutely everything about each “procedure” was painful and awful. When I left there, I felt relief that the pain was over! I looked great but I felt like I had been tortured and I will without a doubt not be going back to that place! After that, we went and got a puppy which is a choice I am not sure was the right one. I like the idea of a dog for security reasons but a puppy is proving to be an extreme pain in the ass and I’m not sure I’m up to the task. I am trying to deal with my kids and this puppy was like we added one more 2 year old to the mix. I have to keep more of an eye on him than I do my kids. It is proving to be extremely stressful for my husband and I. I was up more with the puppy last night than I ever was with Hudson, even on his first night home! I’m hoping he quickly figures things out because I just do not have the patience for it all and didn’t realize I didn’t have the patience until I was already knee deep in it. To top it all off, the girls are scared of the dog. Hailey screams bloody murder every time he goes near her and Avery is a little timid but not too bad. Im overwhelmed, Im tired and Im perhaps a little grouchy. Hopefully things settle down quickly because mommy is headed for a freak out if things don’t get easier soon! On a happy note, Avery lost her first tooth today! She had her other tooth pulled but this is the first one that ever fell out on its own! It is pretty exciting stuff around here and now her smile looks really cute and jack-o-lanternish! All in all a great weekend with my family but a little too much responsibility on my plate right now….

I need to find something of substance to do with my life. I wont always be a stay at home mom, but for a while I will be, and I really need to get a life. I had a moment yesterday where I realized my whole week had been focused on napkins. That’s right, napkins! I spent the week picking out napkins, trying them out and then returning them until I found the right color. Mission accomplished but geez what a ridiculous way to spend your week! I did all my other motherly/wifely duties like cooking, cleaning and laundry but all in all, napkins were my focus. I seriously need to come up with something productive to do. I think most stay at home moms suffer from this. I was talking to my sister in law last night and told her my napkin story and she said she feels the same way and then started telling me about her idea for a non profit business. I am more a profit business kind of person but she had a good point that it always feels better to do something for someone else than it does yourself. I then pointed out that the only people in our lives that we do stuff for, expect it! There isnt much gratitude for mom when clothes are clean or the dishes are done! I am going to see if I can come up with a hobby or a side thing that stimulates me and makes me feel more productive than a professional napkin picker which I dont even appear to be good at because it took me a week!!! I’ll come up with something eventually. I always enjoy writing but finding time to do something that involves actual thought is difficult these days! Example: baby just woke up!

I had my 6 week check up today and I wanted to take a moment and really praise the whole midwife experience. I know I went back and forth at various times about whether I liked the experience or not, but I am firmly saying that it was a great experience. I freaked out a few times that I felt I was having issues and got prescribed water, but ultimately, the whole point of a midwife is to allow you to do what is best for you and not pump you full of medicine or take radical, expensive routes to make you better. Sometimes I freak out and feel like I need major medical intervention because fear takes over but when you chill out and let your body do its own thing, most of the time it can handle it! I had a baby and walked out of there 6 hours later feeling good. No drugged feeling, no pain when I walked because they didn’t snip me (THANK GOD!) and I healed extremely fast in my own home. I wasn’t exposed to all the germs that hospitals have, I didn’t have an enormous bill and my family was with me the whole time. My daughters and mom literally met Hudson 2 minutes after he was born and that was so special to me. I had breakfast with my girls in the REAL bed and just hung out. I would do it again in a heartbeat. You forget the pain but you don’t forget feeling safe and comfortable. I am so thankful to the midwife that delivered me and the one that I saw today that literally gave me my first pain free pap. It was so relaxed and not sterile like at my old gyno who had to have a nurse in the room looking at my vagina too! The whole experience was well worth it and I am so thankful to everyone who lead me and my son to a healthy birth.