Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I can just not find the time to write anymore! It is pretty much a miracle that I am even able to right now! The baby is asleep and Hailey is watching her new favorite show (word world!) and Avery is spending the night with my mom so I have 5 minutes to write! I have thought all day, actually the past few days, what I wanted to write about should I have the chance. I have no clue what I want to write about so I’m just going to start typing and see what comes out. We are leaving town this weekend to go to the family ranch which should be interesting with a brand new sweet baby boy. I am very much looking forward to it actually. I cannot go into labor this time which is a plus! The kids get lots of fresh air and fun and I can maybe get some sun on my white as snow skin! I have not seen the sun since last April and am in desperate need of some vitamin D. The only draw back is I am trying to lose some weight and when you go to the ranch, everything is centered around food. How much you eat, when you eat, what to snack on in between meals etc. Its a dieters nightmare and I already dont have much self control! I am breastfeeding and as you fellow breast feeders know, you need to continue eating healthy and often. You cant skimp on the food but you can do more exercise but I dont think my midwives would be too thrilled if they knew how much exercise I wanted to do. I think starting next Monday, I am going to start walking and doing my workout dvds. It will only have been 2 weeks since I had Hudson but I NEED to do something. I am only one size bigger than I was pre pregnancy but I am loose and it feels gross. I want to lose at least 10 pounds if not 15. Its going to take some work but it is worth it to feel good in your old jeans. I will hopefully get to write tomorrow and if I do, I think I might write about all my recent crushes and why I think I have so many!!

I have been so busy with medical stuff that writing has become difficult. The circumcision was my version of hell but he seems to be healing and not bothered by it. I left the room while my awesome, wonderful and brave husband stayed in there with him. I would have killed the doctor so I knew it was best I leave but I did NOT want to leave my son alone for that so thank god my husband was strong enough. He looked away but at least he was there. It was quick and I cried in the waiting room and I cried when I changed his first diaper and I cried when I bathed him. I was a mess. Then, to add insult to injury, I developed a fever of 101.7 that night! I knew I hadn’t been feeling well but I assumed it was because I was stressed and tired. Well, it was more likely my engorged breast giving me a fever. I called my midwife and of course their prescription was water. They prescribe water for everything which drives me insane!!!!! In early labor? Drink water. Infection in your breast? Drink water! Leg fell off? Drink water!!! Sometimes, a doctor is a great thing and sometimes a midwife is a great thing but they are not both good at the same things. It has been 2 days and my boob still is sore but the fever stopped so I guess I will keep drinking water, pumping and suffering! No one can say I havent suffered for my son!! I spent yesterday watching movies which was like a dream come true. I literally watched 4 movies in a row! I NEVER watch tv and I never get to watch movies so it was so nice. My husband has been so wonderful and helpful and yesterday he was exceptionally great! I know that it has only been a week since I gave birth but I am ready to feel better and normal!

My son is having his circumcision done tomorrow and it literally makes me bawl every time I think about it. I look at my sweet, happy baby boy and wonder why the hell we do this to them. I get that it is hygienic and I get that the ladies like it etc and I even wrote a blog about it when he was tucked away safely in my womb. Now it is happening and I am having serious second thoughts. You read about it on the internet and the stories are so conflicting I don’t know what to believe. Everyone I know has had girls (including us!) and other than the horrible stories of infants passing out from pain, losing their trust in their moms and not eating, I dont have much to go on. The only way I wont do it, is if the dr offers no medication for the pain. This is not a civilized dr if that is the case and I am taking my baby and running out of there. Apparently, they used to not give babies anything due to the fact that some moron in charge, didnt think babies felt pain. What an ignorant thought! Everyone feels pain! Old people, young people, sick people, healthy people, EVERYONE!!! If we offer relief from getting a cavity drilled or an epidural for labor or morphine for people dying of cancer, why the hell would nothing be offered to a baby boy with his penis being cut into with a knife? Makes me sick! We are going to do it regardless of horror stories because ultimately I think it is a good choice but doing it to my son is literally giving me an ulcer. He is sleeping next to me as I write this and it just makes me cry. I wish I had more moms to talk about it with. I talked to one and she somewhat eased my mind but not really. I guess we will do it, I will cry for days and he will forget but if he withdraws from me or doesnt eat, I will be in therapy to deal with the guilt. I will hold him and love him until he forgives me!! I feel like a terrible mother handing my baby over to be tortured. Tomorrow will be very very very very rough on both of us.

It has been a couple of days since I have written and that is because our baby boy was born early Saturday (March 5th) morning. I woke up around 4am having contractions that hurt a lot and would wake me up. I got up and had a very restless feeling. I walked around my house until 5am when I just knew it was labor. I woke up my husband and hopped in the shower and as I was showering, the contractions just kept getting worse. We got in the car with the kids and headed to the birthing center with my mom meeting us there. When we got there, I was already 7 cm and everything moved pretty quickly after that. Drug less labor was awful. With each contraction, I literally wanted to die. Menstrual cramps my ass!! You cant even explain the pain! I was in the tub for a while which also didn’t help (another myth!) I wont go into the details but basically I screamed until I pushed my 9 pound 12 ounce baby out!! He was HUGE!! My husband and I looked at each other in shock about how big he was! We were not expecting it at all! He was 23 inches long and barely fit in his going home outfit. He looks JUST like my husband and is the cutest little thing. I love him so much!!! We stayed at the center for 6 hours and headed home and have recovered nicely. The whole thing is still surreal but we are doing well and adjusting to our new family member. I am the proud mommy of a BIG, healthy, handsome baby boy and I couldn’t be happier. I will write more now that I am settling in and able to get into my new routine.

The other day, I read an article about how 1 in 5 marriages cited Facebook as being a reason for their divorce. This is extremely disturbing if you ask me. What are these people doing on Facebook? I wrote about that before but I didnt realize the effect Facebook was having on marriages. Why would you allow a social network site to ruin your marriage? Why are so many people cheating on it?? Are they lonely? Bored? Unhappy to begin with? The divorce rate is already through the roof without the assistance of social networking sites. If you are tempted to cheat on Facebook, A) I think you are a loser and B) stay off it because throwing away your life for some typed messages or whatever it is people are doing, is not worth it! The people from your past are there for a reason! If they didnt make it to your present then leave them where they belong. If you are genuinely unhappy in your marriage, get out of it and then look for someone new. Marriage is supposed to be taken seriously, a lifelong commitment. Not a temporary agreement until something better pops up in your friends list!! I was pretty annoyed with the article just because I think that WAY too many people are cheating these days and I think using Facebook to do it, is just pathetic. If you are going to cheat, get from behind the computer, get off your ass and go out somewhere, take your ring off, lie to your spouse about having no service and actually put in the work! Or, be faithful and commited to the person you took vows with. Just a thought….

I don’t think the midwives at the birthing center have much faith in me getting through labor. If I don’t, I don’t. I am certainly not going to feel disappointed in myself! Every Time I go for a check up, there is some comment made about “do you actually understand how much it will hurt?’” or “You had an epidural before? Did you take a class on natural child birth?” I say no and they say “oh” like I am stupid or something. Today I had an internal exam which are always very very painful for me because I have an extremely posterior cervix and it hurts like hell with someone digging around in there. After the exam, the midwife was like “that makes me nervous”. I knew where she was headed with it (basically if I couldn’t handle the pain of an exam, how would I handle labor?) and I changed the subject. I am so grouchy and frustrated right now that if she had said something about my ability to handle pain, I would have blown up. I honestly don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know who or what I will become in that much pain. All I do know is I hate pain! If I am supported through it instead of judged, I might have a shot. Ive come to terms with if I cant do it, I wont. I’m not going to torture myself for the whole “woman empowerment” crap! If I can do it, AWESOME! If I cant, oh friggin well. My vagina, my baby, my birth, my labor and finally MY CHOICE. Im obviously all fired up about this because I thought midwives were supposed to be supportive and not judgmental. I have felt less judged at the hospital! I hope I get a midwife I like when I give birth or else I will be a monster. I know myself well enough that if I am not comfortable with her, I will not feel comfortable in the delivery. My mom is ready to transport me to a hospital should she see one thing she doesn’t like. My mom, she pretty much believes she is a midwife. I haven’t had the heart to tell her she is not! My husband also is wanting to transport to the hospital just because he cant deal with me being in pain. I have pretty much written him off as needing more support than me!! We shall see what happens!!

Let’s just get this out of the way, I’m still pregnant. OK, now on with my blog. The older my mom gets, the more fun she becomes! Perhaps she is a tad senile but it makes her so much fun!! She was being a sweet mommy the other day and took me with her to run some of her errands and when we went to pick Avery up from school, things got interesting. Avery’s school carpool lane is the most unorganized free for all I have ever experienced. At least once a week, someone will cut in front of me in the line which is just ludicrous to me. Don’t our kids go to school to learn about taking turns? What elementary school did those hooligan parents go to?? Anyway, I silently get pissed and then move on. My mom on the other hand (who I have to mention is very calm and sweet 99% of the time) was not having it. This man completely cut us off and she let him know he was wrong. She told him to move, he didn’t listen but she gave him a piece of her mind! I couldn’t stop laughing because if you knew my mom, you’d know that confrontation is not her thing. The first person my mom saw that was a school employee, she told her all about it and the guy actually got a lecture about his behavior. I was worried he would yell at my mom or create some other problem but thankfully, we got Avery and got out of there and thankfully we were in my moms car and not mine!! It was a pretty entertaining afternoon for me and im so glad she picked me up! I wish everyday was that much fun but unfortunately, Im lucky if I feel like doing anything. Im huge! Im overdue and Im pissed off!!