Surviving the Domestic Jungle

Well, I am back and feeling pretty good. I had a great time with my family and cant wait until the next time I see them. My mom lives in the middle of no where yet in a city so she has the best of both worlds. Being at her house makes you feel so isolated but I like it. They are still doing a bunch of renovations so it was not exactly cozy with all the dust but it was a great time. Once you leave the security of that house it is back to reality where ants have invaded the kitchen and my weight going up! Yuck but oh well. Reality is reality and you cant deny it. Ive done some thinking about what is best for me to write about on here and after much careful thought, I think I will stick to fluff writing and not giving too many of my opinions. People (in general, not just my readers) seem to like the fluff better than the controversy so I am going to stick with that genre just for simplicity sake. I have tons of fluffy warm stories to tell!! Anyway, my computer has been sick so I am taking it in today to be looked at and I hate using my husbands (the one I am on now) so I am n0t going to write too much until my baby is back!

Im headed to my moms for a few days to reconnect with my family as well as to get away from it all! I am not to into writing on here at the moment. I said something taboo and definitely took heat for it! It bugs me that I can’t say what I want without being put down or told I am appalling. An opinion is just an opinion and who am I? I am certainly not the end all be all of anything in this world! I am just me and my little opinion. Anyway, where my mom lives is basically in complete seclusion without Internet so I am cut off from the world whether I want to be or not. I love having the Internet at my fingers. The amount you can learn is just amazing! It is nice to disconnect every now and again and that’s what I am doing. I’m taking my kids to a pumpkin patch farm with the hopes that they love it! It should be a good time. I love seeing my family and I wished I could live closer but for now, I am stuck in the city that I am in. Hopefully soon enough that all changes. Anyway, if you are wondering why I am silent for the next couple of days, that is why. Ive disconnected…..

This morning the topic of giving your baby their immunizations came up and it is one of those topics that I have difficulty understanding the other side. Those shots are there to protect children from diseases that will kill them. In my opinion, those shots are a wonderful thing but there is the other side of the story which is some people believe that they cause Autism. As far as I know, there has been no conclusive evidence to prove this. I may be very wrong about this because I have not done the research. My pediatrician has told me that you either have Autism or you don’t and the shots have nothing to do with it. Again, I don’t know about scientific proof of this. Either way, I don’t understand the parents that decide against it simply because consider the risk you are taking. The diseases that your child could get are just awful and a lot of the time the outcome is death. You cannot put your child in a daycare or a school without shot records and they will survive the little poke (even though you feel terrible doing it to them) and chances are they will go on to lead healthy, long lives. I ask this question to those parents: If there was a shot that completely protected your child from any type of cancer at any time in their lives, would you give them that shot? Being that cancer is such an awful disease I cannot imagine that the parents would turn it down! How could you? I feel the same about all the other diseases that those shots protect against and so does the law! I understand that those shots may not be the healthiest things on earth (they are certainly not ‘green’) but the alternative is worth the risk to me. I just couldn’t imagine not doing what I could to protect my children! Its like the epidural, we have the option to not be in pain so why not take it if you need it? You are sticking a huge needle in your back and there are risks but the benefit of a pain free birth far out ways those risks at the time. Kind of not the best example but I think you can get my point. Basically I think why risk it? Why risk the alternative? They are making new vaccines with each child I take to get them and I honestly hope one day they have a cancer vaccine!

I got to thinking about what I would tell a young couple about to enter marriage. What advice do you actually give these people??!! How can you possibly explain marriage to someone who has never been in one? How can you explain how difficult it can be and why? How do you explain the type of ‘work’ involved? In some ways I wish I was more prepared for how emotionally taxing it can be but would I have really listened? Probably not. I would have been wrapped up in love and lollipops and said it would never happen to me. Ok, well it happened to me and every other married couples I know. Every marriage has some issue and in my own circle, it is drugs, infidelity, abuse and do I really need to list more?? These are major topics and these are normal, tax paying, home owning, grocery shopping on a friday night people. How on earth do you prepare some on for this? Not all problems are going to be the same in all marriages and some marriages are really bad off but again, with no preparation for dealing with these issues, how do you come out the other end happy? I think love fades in the sense that it is not enough to pull you through the peaks and valleys of marriage. If I actually were forced to give advice to a young, in love couple about to take their vows, the advice I would probably give is this: Always talk to each other. In fact, make time for it! Schedule it if need be but always keep an open communication. Pillow talk, dinner talk…TALK! Then I would say, keep your pants on! Never ever cheat on your spouse because the truth will eventually come out and you will lose everything that mattered to you for a little something different. I was no virgin before I got married and let me tell you from the experiences I have had, You are not missing much by choosing one man or one woman to sleep with forever. In fact it can be wonderful as the years go on and you get extra comfortable and experiment more and more! Make your children a reason for staying together. Kids are very innocent victims in divorce and it affects them forever so make them a big reason in working through the bad. Finally, never forget why you feel in love. Something made you chose each other as life partners. This is the advice I would give to myself years ago and I wish I could have prepared myself. I am no marriage expert but I know what I wish I could have known.

The other night I was walking with my girls, as we do every night, and both of them were munching on Popsicles. Hailey is young so I expected her to be covered and sticky but surprisingly she wasn’t! Mommy was proud!! Avery is days away from being 6 so I figured she would have the Popsicle under control but her face was purple from her lips down. She had a little purple goatee and I started my usual speech when she has food all over her face, ‘you need to eat like a lady’. I am always telling her that and the usual chew with your mouth closed and other typical table manner stuff. She looked at me and said, “Mommy I am only 5 years old! I am still learning!” I couldn’t help but laugh because she was right. Here I am giving her a hard time and she puts me right back in my place with the truth of the situation which is she is still little! Sometimes you need your kids to tell you to get real and Avery sure will tell me. Granted she needs to be able to eat without getting it all over herself but at the same time I need to relax a little and let her learn. I sometimes feel like she is older than she really is because in some ways she is very mature and very grown up for a 5 year old, and when she acts her age, I get frustrated with her but that really isn’t fair of me. 5 year olds whine and cry and complain and act annoying at times and she is no different but I need to remember she is only 5 years old and she is still learning like she told me. Avery makes me laugh all the time with her life lessons for ME!

I think being big pregnant is setting in. There’s a difference in feeling pregnant and feeling BIG pregnant. Big pregnant means you just feel uncomfortable doing things like sleeping, shaving your legs and basically bending over in general. I always say you know you are big pregnant when you drop something on the floor and literally debate whether it is worth picking up. Im at that stage. It is getting harder and harder to do things but I am not complaining because I actually enjoy being pregnant and feeling my baby kick. The thing I am not liking is feeling like I need to eat everything in sight! I have been ravenous all day and nothing fills the void! I think the baby is growing or something because it is only certain days I feel like this. Some days I am content eating very little and other days I feel like I have been deprived food for a week and I have to make up for it. It does not help in the feeling like a hippo department. I have gained almost 10 pounds in 20 weeks so that is not bad but still, just gaining weight is hard on the self esteem. No one but weirdos think you look sexy and I suppose pregnancy is the only time being chubby is ok but still it is hard to let go of your old body. Oh the many joys of pregnancy! I just wish I could find one food that is sweet, fat free and full of nutrition. If anyone knows of any food that fits that bill let me know!! I keep wondering to myself if eating Nilla Wafers in bed out of the box is considered eating in moderation. I somehow cannot validate that no matter how hard I try! To wrap up, I feel fat, hungry and tired! Happy Saturday night!!!

My third pregnancy is so different from my other two for the simple fact that I can barely focus on it. I am so busy with my other two that sometimes I literally forget I am pregnant! With my first I was learning everything I could, reading books and watching each week go by. With number two, I was a little less concerned with all the facts since I pretty much knew them and I was working then too so not quite so much attention was focused on her. This little guy, I am barely even aware of! I have to remind myself to eat certain foods and I find I just dont have the time to sit around and relish in each and every kick. It is kind of sad since he is my last yet I barely get to pay attention to my pregnancy! I cant imagine being a mom with 5 kids! It would just be too much to handle for me. 3 kids sounds a little scary but I knew that was what I wanted. Im sure once I am in the swing of things and figure it all out then it wont seem scary but the morning routine of getting off to school almost sounds as hard as running 10 miles when I add a newborn in the mix. Oh well, I can handle it! I just have those moments of sheer terror but they pass. Without children I dont know who I would be. I cant even imagine what my life would look like without them so no matter how hard it is or how stressed I get, I am so thankful to have these little people in my life! They teach me, test me, love me and throw up on me and I love every minute of it! Being a mom is very rewarding and very life changing and such a blessing even though it can at times be a torturous hell. Such a contradiction but if you are a mom, you understand what I mean!

I truly enjoy the innocence of children. When kids play with each other, all the stuff us grown ups think about and worry about is not a factor. They dont judge color, race, religion, whether your rich or poor, skinny or fat, pretty or ugly. Its just innocent play and having a good time! Of course this is only to a certain age because children eventually turn into cruel evil little things who say awful things to each other! Do you not remember middle school??!! Anyway, the age I am referring to is 1 1/2 to about 4. Just plain old innocence and non judgemental fun. If us adults could be like children then this world would be a lot better place. Just acceptance for who you are no questions asked. Everyone living in harmony without agendas and prejudices. I am a firm believer that judgemental behavior is learned at home from parents. I see my daughter Avery doing some of the same behaviors I do and also saying things I do and sometimes I am like “oh crap, I better behave better!” We All have moments on the phone with our girlfriends just gabbing away and blissfully unaware that our kids are watching and listening and taking notes. Those little scamps are hanging on every word and learning how to be grown ups from YOU! I try to teach my kids to be nice to everyone and I hope that they are. I am not going to have a bully for a child! I hope that I am instilling in them kindness and understanding for all. I don’t want my kids to think they are better or worse than anyone else. I want them to hold on to that innocence stage forever and to grow up to be kind and considerate people.

Being that I am pregnant, I do suffer from some of the pregnancy symptoms. I do have nausea in the beginning and I do get sore breasts. I do get a tad emotional and sensitive and I do need extra sleep. Now, the one symptom that drives me bananas is the craving symptom. I personally dont crave anything in particular and sometimes I dont think I crave anything that I wouldn’t want while not pregnant. I always need something sweet and I usually want meat but that is really no different than when I am not pregnant. I wish I could manipulate my husband into buying me all kinds of foods at all hours of the night but there is just nothing I want. With my first pregnancy I gained enough weight to equal a small child (about 75 pounds) and losing it was not fun. With my second pregnancy I was much more healthy and with this one,  I am very healthy. I dont think my baby will benefit from eating a pint of ice cream at 3am. Actually, they say, you only need 300 extra calories a day! Do you know how much that is? A cracker and an apple! Im not sure if that is exactly 300 calories but you get my point. 300 calories is not much. I try and be aware of this and so far I have done pretty well. Losing all that weight after is just horribly painful and I have to remember that when I go back for more dessert! I think a lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse and I am not one of them. Some women have husbands who treat them as if pregnancy is an excuse. Again, I am not one of those women. If this were a 100 years ago, my husband would have me working the farm until the day I gave birth and not have one ounce of sympathy for me! He treats me no differently when I am pregnant and when I am not pregnant. It can be annoying at times but at other times I dont mind it because there is nothing wrong with me! I am not handicapped by any means. I do make him lift heavy things but other than that, that’s about the only difference. I wish I sat around eating whatever and whenever I wanted but I just can’t. The guilt would eat me!! I dont know if the cravings thing is real. I have heard you crave what your body needs but somehow I dont believe that. I just dont see how your body needs jelly beans. Jelly Beans are a weakness of mine and I dont think it is because my body is desperate for the nutrients!! Meat I get because I do have anemia problems when pregnant and I need iron. Who knows if women just manipulate the situation in their favor! All I know is I am not allowing myself to use it as an excuse to gain 50 pounds!!!

Something I struggle with having sympathy for is morbid obesity. I understand that there are people with thyroid problems and people that take medication that makes them over weight but the majority of the people are just people who have ate themselves to the way they are. Also, complete lack of exercise. Basically I find it really hard to have a heart for this ‘disease’. I don’t consider it a disease if you have the choice to have it! Cancer is a disease. You can’t control it and picks and chooses who it affects. Being obese is a choice. You do not have to eat all that food. You do not have to not exercise. I get really tired of hearing the obese say that their last hope is the stomach stapling or the lap bands because there is another option…..Eat less and exercise!! It isn’t instant results but eventually it will pay off. It takes a real commitment to sit around and eat and eat and eat and I often wonder if those people feel badly eating so much knowing the amount of starving people out there in the world. I don’t understand why our society is just accepting this epidemic and not treating it like a problem! I know that they are changing the menus in schools which is great but the habits really begin at home. Your parents are your first example of being healthy and lucky for me, my mom was always very health conscience and so was my grandmother and in turn I am showing my daughters how to be healthy. Exposing them to lots of fruits and vegetables and not feeding them fried food or junk. They have some junk foods but everything in moderation and we are always active. It really is basic stuff and I don’t know how anyone can let their child become obese by over feeding them. I think it is child abuse personally. Children should be fit and healthy and given the best start they can not stuffed with food to be teased mercilessly but other children. I personally educate myself on food and nutrition. There is so much to learn and so many healthy, delicious things to eat out there. They are not found in drive thrus or in a box or in a bag. Most of the time, from what I have experienced, the healthy foods are in general cheaper. Yes it takes more effort to make them but if you buy all your ingredients in their pure form (flour, eggs, sugar, milk etc) it will always be healthier and cheaper than eating something out of a sack. They say (whoever ‘they’ are!!) That you should buy the majority of your groceries from the outer parts of the store. Basically, the outer parts are the produce, meat, dairy and bakery sections. They say to buy the least from the interior parts where all the unhealthy foods lurk waiting to make your pants too tight!! I just think that people need to be aware of what they are eating. Look at the ingredients and the calorie content and the fat content. Ive said it before and I will say it again, Through awareness comes CHANGE and educating yourself is the number one way to become aware! Its time to stop eating so damn much when there are people who would kill to have a fraction of what we have the luxury of being able to eat daily. If we would eat normal amounts and send the rest of the food to the starving then there would probably be enough to go around for everyone. Just a thought. As a society we need to ALL wake up and pay attention to what we eat and how we live and stop poisoning ourselves and over indulging ourselves and just eat to fuel our bodies. I feel pretty strongly about this topic so sorry if I have offended anyone.