Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I hate to sound like the vanity queen but boy do I hate gaining weight while pregnant. I have only gained 12 pounds in 6 months which is good but 12 pounds seems like 45 when you add the belly! Its hard for me to ‘let go’ and accept the new ‘curves. It is completely vain to worry about it because I am growing a baby and shouldn’t worry as long as I eat well and exercise and no matter how low I feel about my looks, I still eat crap I shouldn’t so I kind of lose the right to whine. I should clarify its not like I sit around eating Twinkies but I will occasionally eat more of something or have something I shouldn’t with the old excuse ‘Im pregnant!’ It just makes the guilt worse because I know I validated bad behavior using my growing child as the excuse!!!!! Shameful mommy!! I remember seeing myself naked right after I had Avery (my oldest and I had gained 75 pounds) and oh my god I never want to look that way again…EVER!!! After Hailey I was pleasantly surprised how I looked. I mean I wasn’t a bikini model by any means but my stomach shrank back very fast. I lost 2 pounds a day for a week and then only had a couple more pounds I had to work at getting off and my body was no worse for the wear. My pregnancy with Avery ruined my body. If I had controlled myself like I did with Hailey, I probably could wear bikinis without feeling like a tiger!! One day Avery asked me if my stomach was always going to look that way. Ahh kids and their BRUTAL honesty. If they completely change the way they do tummy tucks I might consider one but for now a huge incision from hip bone to hip bone does not sound like much fun. Actually it sounds tortuous to me. My skin isn’t really that saggy at all but it certainly doesn’t look like it did before kids! At some point you just have to accept that you aren’t 20 anymore and accept your battle wounds. I do accept mine but I find it hard to accept feeling fat. I eat very healthy and force myself to waddle along for 30 minutes every night and I feel like that does wonders. Walking has helped my booty become harder and I have read it helps with birth but weight gain and pregnancy is inevitability. I always see these young girls who are having babies and they are wearing their regular jeans and have huge bellies! Bitches!!!! My pants couldn’t fit over my ‘pregnancy bum’ (My bottom always gets bigger while pregnant and it usually is pretty profound to begin with! No matter how small I am I always have a booty!) without cutting them up and then sewing myself in them! Those girls drive me crazy! How do they not get hips?? Oh well, as you can tell I am struggling with the changes going on, on the exterior of my body. The internal changes are great and his little kicks are turning into huge kicks that wake me up! I love feeling my baby kick and knowing hes growing and feeling him have the hiccups! So weird to feel someone having hiccups inside of you! Just as annoying as when you have them yourself!! Just writing this makes me want to go eat something………..