Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I was watching a clip where the E! news host, Giuliana Rancic talks about having a miscarriage and how devastating it was for her and it was a topic I wanted to mention because it is not talked about enough. The baby I was pregnant with before I had Hailey ended in a miscarriage and I can’t even tell you how devastating it is. I searched and searched for why it happened and it the process actually learned a lot about miscarriages. The statistics are actually really scary and it is usually never talked about until you actually have one. Did you know that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage? That is a lot for this topic to not be discussed more. Most of the time miscarriage occurs because something just wasn’t right and it is natures way of dealing with it. There are some women who cause their miscarriages but those women are not the women I want to talk about. My ultrasound technician told me that one in every 4 women will have a miscarriage which is a really scary thought! She said one day she did 30 ultrasounds and 4 of them were miscarriages. I have been one of those women in that room looking at my babies lifeless tiny body. It is awful and no man or even a woman who hasn’t miscarried  could understand what it is like to go through. You are never the same. You live in a state of fear every time you get pregnant after a miscarriage because you know how painful it is. I never felt secure while I was pregnant with Hailey. You kind of train yourself to not get too attached even though you really are. I lived in fear until the day she was born and it has been like that with this pregnancy. You try to not be constantly afraid because it is all out of your control but it is terrifying. You are just never the same. The joy of pregnancy can easily become a stressful, fearful time and I really struggled those first 12 weeks to keep myself together. We need to talk about this more. We need to let women know that it can and might happen to you for no other reason that it just does. Whenever I hear a woman broadcasting she is pregnant all over the place and she is 6 weeks my heart sinks. Chances are good she will be fine and go on to have a healthy baby but there is that chance she wont and it is not fun saying over and over again that the baby died. I always suggest to keep it between you, your husband and various close family members until you pass the 12 week mark and have an ultrasound. It saves you a lot of extra anguish and when you do finally tell people, there’s no worry that you will have to tell them you miscarried because you already passed the immediate threat point. Its all happiness and cravings and baby bumps! Pregnancy is a gift. It is a blessing and so many women spend thousands if not hundreds of thousands to be able to have a baby and they can’t. Even though I miscarried and carry emotional pain with me, I know I can have babies. I know I can decide how many I want and I can do it and regardless of miscarriages. I am lucky enough to be able to do it. Thankfully this is my last baby and I wont have to struggle with all of that again. I have considered surrogacy because I would like to be able to give the gift of life to a couple who need help but I’m not sure if I will. I wish there were an easier way to help because 9 months is a long time but most likely worth it. I haven’t given up on that idea and we will see what the future holds. I wanted to bring up this topic because it is a very real topic in a lot of lives and we need to discuss it more! We need to educate ourselves on the risks and also be able to support each other through it should it happen. Through awareness comes change!