Surviving the Domestic Jungle

I was watching a clip where the E! news host, Giuliana Rancic talks about having a miscarriage and how devastating it was for her and it was a topic I wanted to mention because it is not talked about enough. The baby I was pregnant with before I had Hailey ended in a miscarriage and I can’t even tell you how devastating it is. I searched and searched for why it happened and it the process actually learned a lot about miscarriages. The statistics are actually really scary and it is usually never talked about until you actually have one. Did you know that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage? That is a lot for this topic to not be discussed more. Most of the time miscarriage occurs because something just wasn’t right and it is natures way of dealing with it. There are some women who cause their miscarriages but those women are not the women I want to talk about. My ultrasound technician told me that one in every 4 women will have a miscarriage which is a really scary thought! She said one day she did 30 ultrasounds and 4 of them were miscarriages. I have been one of those women in that room looking at my babies lifeless tiny body. It is awful and no man or even a woman who hasn’t miscarried  could understand what it is like to go through. You are never the same. You live in a state of fear every time you get pregnant after a miscarriage because you know how painful it is. I never felt secure while I was pregnant with Hailey. You kind of train yourself to not get too attached even though you really are. I lived in fear until the day she was born and it has been like that with this pregnancy. You try to not be constantly afraid because it is all out of your control but it is terrifying. You are just never the same. The joy of pregnancy can easily become a stressful, fearful time and I really struggled those first 12 weeks to keep myself together. We need to talk about this more. We need to let women know that it can and might happen to you for no other reason that it just does. Whenever I hear a woman broadcasting she is pregnant all over the place and she is 6 weeks my heart sinks. Chances are good she will be fine and go on to have a healthy baby but there is that chance she wont and it is not fun saying over and over again that the baby died. I always suggest to keep it between you, your husband and various close family members until you pass the 12 week mark and have an ultrasound. It saves you a lot of extra anguish and when you do finally tell people, there’s no worry that you will have to tell them you miscarried because you already passed the immediate threat point. Its all happiness and cravings and baby bumps! Pregnancy is a gift. It is a blessing and so many women spend thousands if not hundreds of thousands to be able to have a baby and they can’t. Even though I miscarried and carry emotional pain with me, I know I can have babies. I know I can decide how many I want and I can do it and regardless of miscarriages. I am lucky enough to be able to do it. Thankfully this is my last baby and I wont have to struggle with all of that again. I have considered surrogacy because I would like to be able to give the gift of life to a couple who need help but I’m not sure if I will. I wish there were an easier way to help because 9 months is a long time but most likely worth it. I haven’t given up on that idea and we will see what the future holds. I wanted to bring up this topic because it is a very real topic in a lot of lives and we need to discuss it more! We need to educate ourselves on the risks and also be able to support each other through it should it happen. Through awareness comes change!

There are two places I find men to be hilarious because you can just see how uncomfortable they are. First place, the gynecologists office! Pure comedy watching men in the waiting rooms an walking the halls with their wives/girlfriends. They just look like they want to disappear which is the ultimate irony because all men are after for most of their lives is the ‘vagina’ and here they are at the center of the vagina universe and they don’t know what to do or how to act. Maybe a strip club is more of a Vagina universe but you get the idea. They are where the vagina goes. Every woman in there is there for her vagina. Not her hair or nails. Strictly vagina. It is all about the vagina! Second place, underwear stores. This is the vagina cover up universe and again, they look like they want to run away crying! Its like if there are two many women and the topic at hand is vagina, they cant deal. Kind of like when a bully is bullying you and you don’t back down. They crumble. This is kind of like men and being outnumbered by women in vagina related places. My own husband acts a little weird at the gynecologists office! I understand why they feel awkward about it and if I were at a penis related doctors office I may feel a little weird too. Thankfully, my husband can never be pregnant and I will never know what it is like to go to a penis doctor!! Is there a penis doctor? I can’t even think of what one might be called. I suppose if you go to one you would have to be having a problem with it in which case do not take me there because I will just sit around wondering what is wrong with all the men! I have one of those minds that goes right to analyzing the heck out of the person next to me. I suppose it helps me pass the painful waiting times at the doctors office. More fun than reading the year old “O” magazine on the coffee table! What sparked all this is I went to the doctor today and there was an older gentleman there and I watched him not take his eyes away from the floor or his phone or his wife. It was cute. Then this other man came in looking for his wife and the receptionist told him to go on back and find her and he looked at her like “your sending me in alone?” He literally looked scared! I couldn’t help but smile. I enjoy the irony of the whole situation!! Next time I go to the gynecologist I am bringing my husband and I am going to watch his behavior and see just how uncomfortable he acts! If  know him, it should be a good time!

I am extremely upset with my husband at the moment and I am sure I am not alone as the spouse of a repeat offender of smoking cigarettes. He quit back in March with the help of a medication called Chantix and he quit and it wasn’t too painful. Then at sometime I am unsure of, behind my back, he started smoking again and I am extremely upset about it. Does he not think that cigarettes will kill him? They will. They will kill everyone that smokes them and that is breathing next to someone smoking. Me being pregnant, I am extremely sensitive to the putrid smell of a cigarette and there is no hiding it from me. I have told him over and over and over again that I do not want him smoking but he doesn’t seem to care and continues to do it and I know that cigarettes are very addictive ( I used to be a smoker myself but my children were enough for me to stop) but you CAN quit and you CAN stay quit. I personally do not want to be eaten away by cancer and we are getting to an age where we must watch our health so closely and doing all the things that add to your risk are just plain stupid. Financially it is a waste of money and physically it is a waste of a life! He says it helps calm him down from stress. Well, that ‘excuse’ doesn’t sit well with me because who doesn’t have stress? Every person on earth has stress and that does not make it ok to smoke or do illegal drugs or get drunk either. When I am stressed, I have no outlet for it. I have to deal with it and keep moving. Life requires that of mothers. We don’t get to have off days or be a mess. We have to keep going for our kids sake! He I guess doesn’t look at it that way. I think it is a very selfish act and it takes away money from our family and it makes him smell disgusting and have bad breath and he also broke a promise to me about quitting. He said he would never smoke again. Well that didn’t happen did it? Now I am very upset and have told him that he is under no circumstances to smoke near this house and can walk down the street for his ‘fix’ or ‘stress relief’ or ‘selfish indulgence’ but I am no longer tolerating it or enabling it. I’m done complaining and whining and bitching. I am putting my foot down on this for his benefit as well as for mine and the children. I encourage all other spouses of smokers who have had enough to put their foot down and try and save their spouses life!!!

I know I have mentioned a time or two on here that I walk nightly and the other day, I noticed the benefits of my dedication! My bum has completely changed! I used to have a little bit of cellulite and that’s gone and it used to jiggle a lot and now, nothing really. I noticed this the other day when I got out of the shower and was looking at my pregnant belly. I had to turn around and look at the rear end and that’s when I noticed. Before I had kids, I had a pretty cute little body but after having Avery, it was just not the same nor will it ever be and I worry about it a lot. I guess the worry comes form seeing the celebrities get back in their bikinis 2 weeks after birth and not having one flaw. How are these women doing this?? They are still human! They still need to heal! Anyway, there’s always that ‘real world’ woman who also goes back to perfect and never gets one stretch mark. I am not one of those women. My body has been affected in the tummy region and it will never go back. The skin is stretched and unless I split myself open from hip bone to hip bone and cut my skin off it will not go back. Stretch marks do fade but they are always there. I am not all that bugged by mine. I didn’t get the big red ones so I guess I got lucky. Mine are skin tone and not even really noticeable if I have a tan. Anyway, my point of all this is, after feeling kind of blah about my body for a couple of years, seeing my bum looking great was a real mood enhancer! I guess all my walking paid off and even though it has been almost a year, it has still been worth it. I enjoy my walks and if my body benefits, all the better! Another thing I wanted to mention is this website called “The Shape of A Mother’. Its basically women posting pictures of their post baby bodies and I have to say that seeing some of those women has made me feel like I’m whining for no reason. Some women have literally been torn up and they have the gumption to show their naked, scarred bodies on the Internet and here I am feeling uncomfortable nude in front of my husband. It basically put things in perspective for me to know that we all have “battle wounds” from having our babies but that we are not alone. The average woman has the saggy skin and the stretch marks and the unperky boobs. Somehow we are still lovable and attractive and thank god for that! Check out that website ladies and take a look for yourself and realize you are not alone in feeling uncomfortable with your post baby bodies. We make a lot of sacrifices to be mothers and letting our bodies be taken over and changed is just one of the first sacrifices we make. It is all worth it in the end and it is worth doing over again. I’m on my third knowing damn well that the skin will get worse and I may get more stretch marks but having children is so much more important to me than having a 6 pack. Check it out and keep on walking ladies!!

P.S. The picture I included is of Cindy Crawford who has ‘mommy tummy’ and is still wearing her bikini and is still considered a beautiful model!

I don’t know if I have ever said this on here but I am literally afraid of everything. When I say everything, I mean everything! I am a huge baby and I am ok with it! Because of my fascination with ghosts, I do like to watch ghost shows and scare the crap out of myself. I have taken to a show called Ghost Adventures with these three guys who I would classify as seriously crazy guys. They go into the scariest, darkest history places and literally taunt the ghosts until they get some sort of response from them. They sit alone in rooms in the dark with nothing but an night vision camera and literally taunt the ghosts and tell them to hurt them or to speak to them and the results are pretty scary. Between the scary voices and the scratch marks that are left on them I am basically frozen in fear for a whole hour. Sometimes they get pictures and sometimes they get video of ghosts but mainly they get voices and these are real voices. Men’s voices, women’s voices and very scary. Sometimes they are mean voices and sometimes they are nice but the creepiest ones are the ones that say the three guys names! So scary and I don’t know why I continue to watch it because at night when my lights go out, I have to remind myself that I am not them on that show and there are no ghosts in my house. There’s nothing scarier then being alone in the dark with your thoughts and memories. I wish I had a nightlight sometimes but that’s a little embarrassing at my age. I don’t know what my fascination with ghost shows is. The unknown? The fear? Not sure but if you want a pretty creepy show check out Ghost Adventures. It is hosted by three young guys who are running into haunted buildings while everyone else is running out!

It’s a strange thing to live in the south because it tries to be like the  north in a lot of ways but it just doesn’t work out like that. I was in Old Navy (LOVE!!) the other day getting a couple of things and I took a peek at the ladies clothes and it is all sweaters and jackets and pants. Well it is 90 something degrees everyday and a sweater just isn’t really appropriate. Maybe up North yes but here, no. Same thing as when I was in the grocery store the other day and they have this little chef stand where this woman cooks and has a microphone and just talks to various customers and she was going on and on about all the cold weather food we were getting to eat like chili. Um, I am in a tank top and shorts and still hot! There is nothing cold or sweatery about the weather here….yet. When it does get cold it is really cold and that is probably because none of us have “winter clothes”. We have hoodies and a sweater or two but that’s about the extent of the winter wardrobe around these parts. At night when I walk it feels pretty good but again I am still in very little clothing. Ok, that sounds bad. I am in appropriately covered little amount of clothing! People are starting to put out their fall colored wreaths and one house even had pumpkins! I really do love fall but not necessarily Texas version of fall. I grew up on the east coast up north and every fall it was like living in a fall colors crayon box. All the leaves  are so vibrant and alive even though they are dying! Here, not so much. Everything pretty much stays green and if it does change it turns brown and falls off. Not so pretty but the weather feels similar in the crispness of the air. I love crisp air! It just feels so fresh even though it is probably full of pollution! It goes in the lungs easily and is just refreshing! Ahh fall. I do like fall and I am looking forward to when it kicks in. I want to be able to complain about being cold! I want to be able to go for super long walks and be able to wear a sweater or at least a thicker cotton shirt. Come on mother nature!!!

I am finally ready to come out and tell the world I am pregnant and even more exciting is that it is a BOY! When the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy my jaw fell to the floor, rolled out of the room and down the hall! It actually took a couple of days to really set in. I honestly thought I was a uterus that only had girls! I was expecting to hear it was a girl and I had only been thinking about girls names. I was unsure of what having a boy would be like and whether I would know what to do with him. Now all those worries have melted away (mostly) and I am just so excited about him. Having a son is so different than having a daughter. I’m going to have to meet his girlfriends and I think between me and his sisters, those girlfriends are going to have to be pretty special. Being raised by a mom and two sisters will also help him to learn and respect women which I am happy about because I will not have any son of mine be awful to women! I literally have nothing for a boy. Not even a pair of socks! I am starting from scratch with this little guy and the other day I was buying the girls some shirts and popped over to the baby section and looked at the boys clothes for the first time ever and purchased his first little outfit! I am so thrilled about all this and just enjoy every moment of my last pregnancy! That’s right, the gates are closing!! No more for me and should a little surprise slip through, then ok, but no more actively tried for children.  I have girls and boy so I got to have both sexes and I feel complete. He is the first boy in my family of all girls! Both my brothers had girls this year and one already had a 9 year old plus I have two girls so there’s 5 girls and now one boy. There’s no way he wont be tortured and the girls dress him up and make him play with girl toys. I hope my sister in law has a boy next! Anyway, you heard it here first that there is a new little man in my life arriving this winter!!

I am so proud of my daughter Avery tonight that I have to say something before I go to sleep. We occasionally do her hair in a style we call “chipmunk ears” and it is as cute as can be! Its kind of like two pigtails wrapped in a bun shape. It really is cute and every time I put her hair like that she always gets complements. This morning she specifically asked for chipmunk ears and so I did them and when I picked her up from school, she told me all about how kids made fun of her hair! I was devastated and I know she was too. We talked about it a little bit and then something else happened and that was the end of it until tonight when she was getting her jammies on. We talked about it more in depth and I told her not to worry about stuff like that and that kids just say things because they are jealous. The usual mom speech. She told me the teacher told her that her hair was cute so I used that to my advantage because when you are a kid your teacher is the end all be all of information and all that is smart in this world. I told her that if her teacher said her hair was cute that it must have been adorable because teachers are very smart. Well, that made her smile and I felt like she was healing from her first traumatic experience of someone dumping on her looks and effecting her self esteem. If only she knew how much worse it is going to get. Hopefully those ruthless kids out there are not too harsh on her because she is extremely sensitive. Anyway, when we had talked through her hair trauma she said, “Mommy, I want to wear my hair like that again tomorrow ok?” I nearly passed out! That’s right, my daughter at 5 is brave enough and has enough self confidence do go out there and do it again even though earlier in the day she was in tears about it. I told her “You bet!”. I’m just really proud of her for not succumbing to the bull crap kids dish out to each other. They are mean little things! Anyway, I am feeling accomplished as a mom this evening in that I am raising a daughter who is not afraid to stand up for what she believes in……and her hair. GO AVERY!!!!

So yesterday I got a wild hair (as the ever so lovely saying goes) and decided to clean out my fridge. Oh my god that was a gross, toxic experience. The scary thing is I consider myself to be a pretty clean person and if you judged me by the growths in my fridge then you would say I was a very dirty person. Its amazing how many things just get shoved to the back of the shelf never to be seen again. It was pretty gross and at one point required a hazmat suit!!! Unfortunately I did not have one and had to brave the 3 month old sour cream alone. I now vow to always stay current on my fridge situation. I promise to not let things turn green and fuzzy!! Cleaning the fridge is just one of the many to dos on my list right now. I want to get everything organized and as clutter free as possible. We are about to enter fall and it is time for a big cleaning before winter comes and all I want to do is be outside!! Where I live, you come alive in the winter and hibernate in the summer. Little backwards I know and trust me I hate it. I never have a tan….EVER and I live in a warm climate! I took a trip to Boston a couple years back and made sure to fake tan so I wasn’t the whitest Texan those Northerners have ever seen! Anyway, next on the list is the pantry and the garage and my clothes and the kids clothes! I just feel like everywhere I look we are accumulating more and more stuff we don’t need. Case and point, kids toys. I swear those toys are procreating at night while I sleep! I don’t know where all these toys come from but I feel like I am drowning in them and there are kids out there who will actually play with them because my kids don’t! They play with my stuff!!!!!! If I had known how kids really are I would have given them empty boxes or my things wrapped up for Christmas and they would think that they had the best Christmas ever! They drive me crazy but they also need to learn the importance of donating to those who have less. My daughter Avery used to have break downs about giving away her clothes but I always explained that they will go to a little girl who really needs it and now when ever we go through her clothes she tells me about the kids that will get her clothes! Important life lesson! Everything I cant donate gets recycled because I am a recycling fanatic! When I cleaned out the fridge I cleaned out every carton and glass jar and recycled them. So I guess the message here is to always donate and to always recycle!!!

I was watching one of my favorite shows, “What would you do?” and one of the topics they covered was breastfeeding in public. I personally feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and have done it in public many many times and will again. I think that a lot of people are not comfortable with it because breasts are more for a sexual purpose to men and to some women as well and it is hard to view them as a food source. The fact of the matter is, they are not there for a sexual purpose, they are there for if and when women have children and they are there to provide an excellent food source. I get why people are disapproving of it and I get why they have put breastfeeding benches in public restrooms (very few restrooms) to protect the mother and baby as well as the public viewing it. As long as the breast is not hanging out, I do not see the problem. One day I was at the park with my kids and there were some European mothers there with their kids and one of the mothers whipped her whole breast out and fed her baby and didn’t even remotely try and cover up. It didn’t bother me at all but the other parents (a husband and wife) were so horrified they were talking about how gross she was and very loudly. Just because the European moms were not speaking English, did not mean they didn’t understand! I listened to the dynamic of those two parents and was shocked. I was actually really disappointed in their closed mindedness. Would they have been happier if the baby was crying from hunger? I think it is a natural, nutritional way to feed your children and I think people need to relax their perceptions about it being weird or gross. I know there are strong arguments on both sides of the fence, but in this case,  I have to side with the breastfeeding moms. I have been out in public with no milk that I had pumped and I have a hungry baby. If I am at the park, I cant go to the bathroom! If I am at a deli, chances are the bathroom is the size of a broom closet! If I go to a bathroom and there is no chair or bench, I will do it where there is one so I can properly cover up my baby and my body. I don’t want you seeing my breasts anymore than you want to see them. I am just a mother trying to feed her baby and if people feel so strongly about it being wrong to do it in public, provide a space to do it! I learned from the show that it is perfectly legal in all but 3 states to breast feed in public so obviously mothers like me have the law on our side. And the law makers are in general a bunch of old men!! We need to get out of the stone age when it comes to certain things concerning pregnancy and breastfeeding. I have to look at butt cracks and visible panty lines and bra less boobs so why cant I sit quietly covered with a blanket and feed my baby? As long as I am covered, I see no problem with it and according to the show, not many people do have a problem with it.